Like Cheese

"I'm like Kraft cheese," Slim says to me in our instant messaging conversation.

"Like Kraft cheese?" I ask. He opened the conversation with me by saying 'It is... done', so of course I'm perplexed by his follow-up statement.

"Like the Singles by Kraft," he explains.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh my god!

"Oh my god," I write, "I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

"She cried. A lot." He replies.

I cringe. Poor Slim. He hates making girls cry.

"And this was just now?"

"She hates me now," he writes. "Tried to take me by my emotions. That really hurt. I mean, she's still important to me, but not as a girlfriend."

"She doesn't even want to stay friends?"

"She says it hurts too much right now. I was so intense and there for her for the past eight months and suddenly I drop her, you know?"

"Well," I write, "I suppose it must have seemed rather sudden, though you were kind of providing all the efforts in that couple. I mean, she just had to sit back and enjoy. It was a little unfair to you."

"Yeah," he answers. "But still. She's the one who called me, and the conversation unfortunately drifted to that... I didn't have a choice. I mean, wow, she talked, I talked, she said bye and hung up."

"She hung up to your face????" I type, stunned.

"No. No. What are you talking about?" He replies, a little annoyed, I think. "She just hurried to finish the conversation. It was your official hang-up, but at maximum speed, like in Crysis, which I hate for not running on my computer. Anyway. So here I am."

"Oh my god, Slim, I am so sorry."

"No, no, it's fine. They're supposed to release a patch for the game, so hopefully it'll be able to run."

"I meant about your girlfriend. Or ex-girlfriend, as it were."

"Oh. Well, no. I'll be fine. It was tough, but... well, drumming helps."

"Then you should go play. I write, you drum. To each their own way to cope. So go."

"Yeah, I think I will."

"If you need anyone to talk to, you know my number, okay?"

"Yeah. Anyways, I should go. Parents say I can't drum after nine o'clock. Ciao."

"Ciao."

"And thanks for the moral support."

"No problem."

At the moment Slim sets his status to 'Away', Rick ―our mutual friend― starts a conversation window with me.

Before I go any further, I should explain in more detail who Rick is. Rick, like PB and Slim (amongst others), went to my elementary and high school. He's been a part of Slim's group of friends since fourth grade, when Slim met PB and the others. So you could say they've known each other a long time. Ten years, to be exact.

Now Rick is a good guy. I don't know why Josie and Eva say he's a crude pervert, because he isn't. Not with me, at least, but then again, I've been known to force sex-fiends into a new state of existence. My friend Mike, for instance, is a well-known sex addict. And he's never done anything so outrageously flirtatious that it endangered our friendship. Which makes Josie and Eva, who hate Mike, wonder why I manage to be friends with a guy I have nothing in common with, even though I do, shockingly, have some stuff in common with him that they don't know about because he's only different with me, not with them... but I digress.

Anyway. Rick. He's a good guy, really. Gamer, like the rest of his friends. Where Slim, PB, Ban and I own Wiis, though, he owns a 360. Anyway, he's mostly into the same stuff as us. Well, as us minus me, because if he was into exactly the same stuff as me, he'd like guys and love shopping.

But I digress again. Here's how the conversation goes.

Rick: "Slim showed me the caricature you made of him the other week!"
Rick: "They're awesome! I want one!"
CM: "Send me a good photo of yourself, then."
Rick: "Okay, okay."
Rick: "Hey, totally random, but you know what?"
CM: "Yeeesss?"
Rick: "Some time, I'm going to invite you to a gamer's party with the guys, which we've been doing for the past 5 years now."
Rick: "Slim'll be there!"

One thing. Why did he specify that Slim would be there? Seriously. Does he think it's more of an incentive? If so, what gives him that idea?

Or am I reading too much into this?

CM: "Um, okay. Why?"
Rick: " 'Cause you're just so hot."
Rick: "Gamer girl."
Rick: "They're too rare."
CM: "That'd be cool, but wouldn't it be awkward, including me into a tradition like that?"
Rick: "No, no. New members. We need 'em."
CM: "Oh, okay. Cute. Fine, whenever you have it, then."
CM: "But just so you know, I've never played the 360."
CM: "So you'll pwn me. Big time."
Rick: "It's really intuitive. But we were thinking of installing the games you already know."
Rick: "We could install AoE2 for you."
CM: "Yay!"
CM: "I need to practice more, then. Heh."
CM: "Now send me that picture, young impertinent man."

Here, Rick sends a picture of himself, sitting on a couch, grinning from ear to ear. He looks a little drunk. Near his lap is a mess of oddly familiar hair.

CM: "Wow. Funny."
Rick: "You can cut off the hair on my shirt. It's Slim's head."
CM: "Um. Okay. All good. I only need the photo for trait references."
CM: "I spend every day with Slim lately, so I could easily draw him, but I don't have such a good memory otherwise."
CM: "Wait."
CM: "What was Slim doing there, exactly? Looks suspicious."
Rick: "He was passed out."
Rick: "Too much tequila."
CM: "Figures. Oh well. Blackmail material."
Rick: "The full picture is funny. Check it out."

Here, Rick sends me the full picture. It really is sweet. You see Rick, still sitting on the couch, grinning from ear to ear, in sweater and... shorts? Slim is lying with his head in Rick's lap, eyes closed, a silly smile on his rested face.

CM: "Aw. He looks happy when he's passed out."
Rick: "He was whispering sweet nothings to me."
CM: "Please tell me those aren't boxers you're wearing. Please tell me they're shorts."
Rick: "Photoshop trick. I'm actually naked."

The sarcasm is obvious. I respond in kind.

CM: "Of course. How could I not see. And here I didn't realise how cut you are. Superb pectorals, my friend. Really."
Rick: "PECS? WHERE?"
CM: "It was a joke."
Rick: "Oh."
Rick: "Though it IS true. I have a very nice chest."
CM: "Yum. Man-boobage."
Rick: "Hey, don't say it like they're grease sacks!"
CM: "Man-boobage pisses me off anyway. Guys with big pecs have a bigger chest than me."
Rick: "Aw, don't worry."
Rick: "They're not that big."
Rick: "My breasts, I mean."
CM: "Meh. Mine neither."
Rick: "Okay, okay. Enough, please."
Rick: "Keep your breasts to yourself."
Rick: "Thank you. Hahaha."
CM: "Don't worry, they're the old-fashioned non-detachable kind."
CM: "So I'm keeping them for myself anyway."
Rick: "Okay, please stop. Pleeeeeeaaaase."
CM: "What?"
Rick: "I might never walk again. I have to go take a shower, I sweated so much."
CM: "How charming of you to share this with me."
CM: "Really, I don't know what I would have done without that information."
Rick: "Weeeellll... You could have played after the ole non-detachables."
CM: "RICK."
Rick: "Sorry, sorry."
CM: "I mean, really."
Rick: "Oooookaaaay, eeeenoouuugh. I HAVE to go."
CM: "Okay, bye!"
Rick: "And I'm not a pervert."
Rick: "I am not a pervert."
Rick: "I. Am. Not. A. Pervert."
Rick: "I'm not."
CM: "Oh, don't worry. If you saw the conversations I can have with Mike... It's a whole new level."
Rick: "I don't know what to say to that. Anyway, I have to go."
Rick: "Laters!"
CM: "See you."

I'm beginning to suspect ―and follow me on this because my instincts are rarely off in these situations― that Rick might be interested.

In me.

Which is really, really not what I need right now.

Now if my instincts could be more aware of the guys I actually like, that'd be nice.

Hi, God? Yeah. What's up with that, anyway? Every time something remotely good happens, you turn it into a shitbomb. Really. Can't you pick a side?

Love,
CM