Hyperventilation

I met Gabe a year ago in my third term philosophy class. I thought he was hot. In fact, I sat next to Anthony, the guy I presumed to be his friend, in the hopes that I'd get to Gabe eventually. These efforts were in vain, of course, but it's just to explain that really, he's attractive.

I saw him again at Dick's, where things just seemed to flow easily between us. And, a short time later, at the Skratch, where I really found him interesting and funny. And we just... started getting along. We had common friends, and the more I talked to him, the more I thought he was interesting.

The problem with liking a guy is that you never know for sure that he really likes you as a potential girlfriend or if he's just flirting because it's who he is and every girl gets the same treatment.

So I was careful around him.

Except it's REALLY hard to be careful around a guy who makes me feel as comfortable as Gabe does.

He had promised me that we'd go to the movies this week. We'd cancelled Tuesday night because he wanted to get a head start on his oral presentation for today (Friday), but he had insisted to do something with me sometime in the week anyhow.

So I'd suggested that we go see Role Models at the movies yesterday night, on my birthday night (the 13th). I'd made him swear, in exchange, that he finish his work on time, so that he wouldn't be stressed during the evening. He'd sworn to work, and I was pleased.

Wednesday, November 12. It's late at night, and I'm on the verge of going to bed, but Gabe assaults me at the last minute.

Wheee still awake!!
Yup, I'm finishing a screenplay. :D I'm pretty impressed with myself.
LOL Why's that?
I started at 10 and I'm almost done! It's for our final project.
I see.
The movie's gotta last 10 minutes.
What's your screenplay about?
It's like the final scene to a movie, where everyone dies. :p
I myself worked so little...
!!!!!!! GAH
LOL Don't react like that!! XD
WELL COME ON. YOU PROMISED ME YOU'D WORK!!!
I've decided to do the work tomorrow during the day (I need to go to the library anyway), and keep tonight for some good will. No classes anyway. So... Don't be mad... :(
Good will?
Yeah, just came back from spending time with Lau and the Swiss.
Ahh.... :x So... no movies?

I figured he'd need Thursday evening to work, and I was sincerely disappointed. I'd been working up the courage to make a move on him for the past two weeks, after all!

lol Well, please, of course we're going. I told you I was going to the movies, and I'll keep my word. Like hell I'd have done that to you.
Well! We never know. If it were for school, I wouldn't have resented you. I can't help it. I'd rather you focus on the important things.
It'd have been purely my fault! brb My hand smells like spicy food. Gotta wash 'em.
LOL
Damn. Even soap won't do the trick...
LOL
Amputation is my only solution.
Or acid. I think you should try acid first. At least you'll still have awkward finger stems left.
YES! To open my doors of perception like in Fight Club.
EXACTLY. That's what I was thinking about.
OH GEEZ IT'S ALMOST 1H!!!
Hey. Yeah, lookit that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAL
OHMYGOD Such timing. I was born around 1AM on November the 13th! DAMN I'M TWENTY! D: D: D:
Rock on! Wait, does having twenty freak you out?
No, I just never thought it'd happen. I figured cryogenic freezing would occur. Or alien kidnapping. Something weird like that. But NO!
Don't worry. They only bring you back to the mothership AFTER probing you.
Hm. Then I'll be wary of suspicious lights in the night...
awwwwwww the ninja sticker you sent is so cute. :)
Yeah, I send disturbing Bumper Stickers. RAWR... Uuuummmm I should go to bed. I need to get up at 7:00 tomorrow.
Me too. So much procrastination to catch up on...
Aaahhhh GABE you promised me you'd get your work done for tomorrow night!
It will be done, I promise. Don't worry about me.
I don't want you to get in trouble because of a silly movie with me...
Don't say that; I WANT to go to the movies with you. If I get myself in trouble, it's my own damn fault. But I won't, I promise.
Well. Then you can't claim I incite you to sin. At least, not that of sloth. Other sins, I dunno. But not sloth.
I heart sins... :D Sweet dreams, SUCCUBUS
LOL GOOD NIGHT INCUBUS :J ... Sweet dreams.
You too.

Thursday, November 13th:

Grandpa called earlier. He wished me good continuance in my studies.
LOL He talks like my drunken Gaspesian friend.
Yeah, except grandpa's old, not drunk.
They say the effect is the same. So... had a good day?
Somewhat. The world is anti-Val today, but it's okay. Like, the monsoon is on but the orange metro line is blocked, so guess who has to walk to the train station on foot? But whatever, I like walking in the rain.
Summer rains are nice, but fall rains are so uncool and cold... Val's pretty strong to like that.
No, Val likes rain at all times, but especially when she's warmly dressed and she can take a hot shower once home. Rain is pretty. Everything is so clean...
Yeah, and it smells amazing and the sound is super soothing...
Yes!
But fall... meh. Sucky season. So cold.
I was really happy about it today, though. I would have taken my time to walk, but I had a train to catch, so...
Hey, imagine, I didn't do shit today, I am so not sleeping tonight...
YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING??
TIS A JOKE OHOHOHOHO
OH MY GOD DON'T DO THAT
I worked really well, seriously. Rika lent me her laptop and it went smoothly
Good. :) Oooouuuuh I need to show you something.
lol Thanks for the massive "ouuuhhhhh" to warn me about the badassness.
It's just a sketch. A test, if you will. I'm not done.

It's a portrait of him.

OMG! Did you really do that?? Just by looking at the picture??
No, I cheat! I superimposed and used my brother's Wacom. But your hair and forehead are freehand.
Wow. lol I'm happy; it's way better than reality :p
I find it's close enough... :p
It's pretty sick! You got my pallid skin right on.
Arrrgh you're not pallid! You're pale. Hell, if you're pallid I'm ill :P
I'm paler than you.
I guess we'll have to make a contest of it.
Keep trying. My farmer's tan is shameful.
I DON'T EVEN TAN TO BEGIN WITH. It's like I have a redhead's skin!
You mean you don't have a soul? That's terrible.
Well, that's not news.
I didn't know!
MAHAHAHA I FOOLED YOU! You naive innocent!
LOL AGAIN! You keep doing that. Remember when you showed me those social tea cookies and you claimed they were dog biscuits to improve their canine dentition? That was pretty clever.
Whaaat I said that?? WHEN?? Was I drunk?? D: I don't remember...
You know, Gabe's life is +1000 Fun since you sent that ninja sticker.
LOL Your alignement changed. You're now the Leprechaun of Joy.
LOOOOOOOOOL... Bleehh I so feel like a slug right now...
Why?
lol Who knows.
Are you trailing slime everywhere? It's usually a telltale sign.
Laziness and slowness too. Bleh I can so tell I'm gonna end up working really late tomorrow morning to get this oral finished...
Well....... would you rather work on it tonight then......?
No.
I DON'T WANT YOU TO LOSE YOUR SLEEP.
I'll figure it out. Don't worry about me.

A pause.

Gaaaaaah stupid scenario.
Shoot a few rounds in the air; show him who's boss.
LOL Call to order! All dissidents will be shot!
BE FIRM AND SHOW NO SIGN OF WEAKNESS!!
Like a cowgirl in a rodeo.
lol That almost looks like a girlish fantasy.
Maybe it isssss............
Funny story. I don't imagine you with such classic fantasies.

He imagines me with fantasies? Ohohoho...

Dunno, guess we'll find out one day. I probably have plenty of weird fetishes. But there's nothing wrong with liking the tried and true. Although I'm sure I have a kink spot for handcuffs.
Give me an example of the tried and true... Not sure I get it...
Hm... classics? I dunno the names but cowgirl? Missionary? I dunno, but sex in the shower must also be a classic. Something you tried a thousand times and don't get sick of.
LOL Got it.
If Mom read over my shoulder, she'd go WTF.
Come on. You're old enough to talk dirty on MSN. And anyway, it's purely for educational purposes.
Heehee. Okay, so so confirm, we meet at the theatre around nine thirty?
Don't you want me to lift you?
But... it's a detour, isn't it? I can arrange to get my own lift...
Oh? Somebody else is coming along??
No... Mom would lift me... lol
Don't be ridiculous; I'll fetch you.
Are you sure??
Of course. Hey, I go all the way to Dorval to visit the Swiss because he's a lunatic nutter. You're no detour.
LOL Put that way, I seem boring! But thanks anyway, I really appreciate it! :) I may share my Reeses Pieces with you... :p
OMG YEEEEESSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
LOL Such glee for so little! :D
I'm leaving now. I'll be there in twenty minutes.
Okay, good. :) I'll put on some socks.
Choice initiative!

He was there right on time. This is an improvement over Slim.

We laughed like nutters the whole evening. We both got our tickets, Reeses Pieces; I got a medium iced tea and he got a medium Pepsi. The whole theatre was empty; we chose middle seats and propped our feet up on the seats in front of us.

"Don't start eating your Reeses until the movie starts," he warns me teasingly, his pale blue eyes amused.

I feign pain. "Whaaat? But... but..."

He leans over to take my bag from me. "If we start eating, there won't be any left by the time the previews are done."

I struggle, then open the bag, and give him a whiff. "Temptatioooonnn..."

He groans. It's a little sexy and I pretend I didn't hear it. He averts his face, then says, in my ear, "I have iron will, dearie. I could outlast you in resisting the infinite power of Reeses."

"Fine... First one to break down and eat one is the loser." I squint at him. He laughs.

The lights dim. I'm determinedly not eating Reeses.

A minute later he leans towards me and asks, "So, did you notice me eating one?"

I stare at him. He's smirking. I'm not sure if he's lying, or baiting me, or telling the truth. I say, "You didn't. I'd have noticed!"

"I faked I was drinking. I had one."

I purse my lips. His eyes dart over my face, taking in my expression with amusement.

"I don't believe you. Open your mouth."

He chuckles, and obeys. I lean forward... And there it is! The unmistakable smell of delicious Reese on his tongue!

Why! That cheater!

"YOU NINJA!" I say. "You owned me way too fast! Damn you!"

He breaks out into loud bursts of contagious laughter. I don't get tired of seeing and hearing him laugh. He's so carefree when he laughs. Usually he's more quiet, and smirking, and just... cool-headed. But when he laughs, there's so much warmth and good in him that shines, it's amazing.

The previews are over. The movies begins, with many snickers from Gabe and I.

And okay, throughout the movie, I suddenly noticed that I was leaning against his arm. His muscled, really warm arm.

I didn't move away. Neither did he. For all I knew, he might've not noticed. I didn't care. He smelled amazing.

The movie ended and we agreed it was good. But I was reluctant to leave now. It was the end of the evening and I hadn't made a single move on him. Another chance wasted!

We ambled through the empty arcade inside the theatre, but no machines were turned on, so we couldn't do anything. Eventually, I had to quit stalling and accept that we had to go, to my disappointment.

We walk out through the empty parking lot, and Gabe shocks me by saying, "Hey... I don't want to end the evening here."

I look at him. In his long black wool coat, he's got casual class. His short blonde hair isn't gelled, but it spikes naturally. He's got an oval face with a long, pert nose, and the lightest blue eyes I ever saw. But the part of him I like the most are the expression lines on his cheeks that are ingraved there to form a smile forever.

"What?"

"Wanna go for a walk?" He asks, his tone ultra-casual as he opens the car door for me.

"Yes!"

I didn't hesitate. Could you blame me? Here's a ridiculously handsome guy that I've been fantasizing about kissing for the past three weeks... and whom I connect with on a freakish level.

Seriously, within one month, I was so completely immersed in his capacity to meet, tame and exceed my dementia with his own insanity that I could spend hours just talking, arguing, debating, agreeing with him. He has a shy side with the stubborn loyalty I recognize in myself, along with a sort of underlying sensuality that makes me... well... boil.

Slim was a cut-out. Gabe is my puzzle piece.

The idea, of course, terrifies me. It seems WAY too impulsive, considering it took me years to fall for Slim. Here's a guy who makes Slim's qualities seem faded and boring. Here's a guy who charms with a few words, who can make you reveal yourself with just a calm suggestion. Here's a guy whose inherent goodness and genuine care make Slim's behaviour childish and cruel.

I wanted him. Very much.

He parked on my street, and we walked.

We walked for three hours. Every time we came back in front of his car and my house, he'd pause our conversation (we never have enough time to say everything we want to say to each other, it seems), look at me without slowing down, and ask, "Wanna keep going?"

"Yes."

And we'd walk another forty-five minutes. Why not? I was still amazed that he didn't seem to want to go home. This never happened before.

But all things must come to an end, don't they? Three AM came along, fatally late and all too early.

I stopped in the middle of the street. On one side, my driveway. On the other, Gabe's car. The pavement was shiny from the day's rain. The air was cool. I wasn't tired. I didn't want Gabe to go.

Gabe didn't seem like he particularly wanted to go either. The look he gave me when I said, "Well... it's three in the morning..." was painful. I could feel my stomach twisting on its own in agony.

Okay, okay, please, please, please God... I know he said he wasn't looking for a girlfriend after Rox made a move on him. I also know all our friends have been pressuring me to make a move on him, and hinting that he was interested. So what should I do? Please, please, please, give me strength―

"Yeah, you're right... I guess... I guess I should go....."

PLEASE THIS CAN'T END HERE! WILL I NEVER BE STRONG ENOUGH TO TAKE WHAT I WANT? OH GOD DON'T LET HIM KISS ME ON THE CHEEKS AGAIN. I WILL DIE.

My heart is beating miles an hour. My stomach is writhing. I feel slightly nauseous. He's a meter away. I lean back, I panic. He's coming forward to do the most painful thing he can possibly do: stay just a friend.

GOD I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS. I WANT MORE THAN JUST TWO BLOODY KISSES ON THE CHEEK. I AM SO SICK OF PLAYING FRIEND.

There's a rush of blood that leaves my head completely. It's the only explanation for my sudden lack of control.

He's talking. "So... um... it was―"

"Can I kiss you?" I breathe. I'm not thinking. I'm just saying. I can see the words floating gleefully away from my mouth to hit him smack in the face, popping up like little balloons. Can I kiss you? CAN I KISS YOU? WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING? OH MY GOD TAKE THEM BACK―

Gabe's lips on mine are soft. One second he was reaching out to hug me, and the next I'm right against his chest and his hands are on my shoulders and he's gently pulling me in to show me what kissing means.

Oh.

Oh god. I nearly melt on the spot.

We kiss for a full minute, like we're fine-tuning our mouths. He's gentle, warm, so soft...

When at last we pull apart, he leans his forehead against mine in silence.

I find nothing to say.

And then I notice his smile, right between those parentheses of laughter on his cheeks.

"Wow. Okay," I whisper.

"Yeah, pretty much," he agrees under his breath. "I thought I was going to die if I had to kiss your cheek again."

"I... You..."

Oh my god.

My arms fly around his neck. "Oh my god!" I exclaim. "This isn't real!" I'm laughing with disbelief and elation.

"I hope it is. I don't want this to be a dream. Oh god, Val..." He brings his arms around my waist and pulls me in tightly, until I'm crushed against him. He kisses me again. "Do you know"― kiss ― "how long I've" ―kiss― "wanted to do" ―kiss― "this?" Kiss again.

"Really?" I kiss him. He squeezes me even more, like he doesn't want me to ever move away.

"God yes. That night with the mini-pogos? I realised I was fucked because after only three times seeing you, I already had a massive crush. And Val, you're so" ―kiss― "perfect..."

"I wanted to kiss you so much last weekend when they dared me..."

"You were so beautiful last Friday. Your eyes are gorgeous..."

"You charmed me the moment I saw you, somehow. That night at Moe's―?"

"In the theatre tonight, when you leaned against my arm, I though I was going to have a heart-attack."

"All my friends kept asking me what I thought of you..."

"All of them spent the better part of the past three weeks telling me how amazing and awesome you were," he chuckles, kissing my nose, my forehead, my lips. "Just to drive it in deeper that I was a coward."

I pull away to look at him. He's just smiling happily. "I love your laugh."

"You make me laugh, but your laughter has more worth to me than mine."

"I love that. ... Je t'aime."

"J't'aime," he murmurs, leaning in for another kiss. "So much..."

I thought I loved his laugh. I also love his whispers in the dead of the night.

I love how we kissed and talked and admitted everything we'd gone through for the past month or so, how everything came so naturally between us, how fast the whole thing had progressed and how safe we still felt, in spite of that.

I love how my neighbour drove up to us in the deserted street and shot us a suspicious stare as he waited for us to get out of the way. I love how Gabe laughed. I love the way my heart was pounding pure joy through my veins.

"I can't believe I met a girl like you," he whispers in my hair.

I begin to laugh. I never laughed as happily as I did then. Gabe kissed my throat, mumbling, "That's the one. The sound I love..."

I laughed for joy, looking up at the cloudy night sky. "I love the rain!"

"I love autumn. It's my new favourite season," he said softly against my skin. "God, you're so beautiful... So smart, so funny, so good, so brilliant..."

"Like you're not the most charming, sweet, cultivated, handsome guy I ever met?"

We kissed until it was four in the morning, because we just couldn't bear to let go of one another.

"We're going to have to―" and I felt my heart wrench.

"At the same time," he whispers, his eyes bright and his smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

I turned around to look at him once I was on my doorstep.

He turned around to look back at me as he opened his car door.

We smiled. My heart exploded.

Friday, November 14:

HULLLLOOOOO
Young man! Guess who's been running on adrenalin all day!
LOL NOSOTROS!!!!!
YESSS
I can't believe I actually made it home last night in one piece. My mind wasn't on the road. And I had butterflies all day in the stomach. To be that happy, people usually need powerful drugs!
I can't focus. I've been thinking about yesterday all day.
I told all my friends already... The Swiss already considers you a succubus, for stealing me away from him so long.
I've been yours since THIS MORNING. He's exaggerating a wee bit, don't you think?
He already started the guilt trip! Nice. But seriously, he adores you. The other day, he was going on and on about how much of a piece of shit I was for not making a move on you.
He's so sweet. I haven't told anyone yet. ;) I'm waiting for the opportune moment.
The one where they're standing suspiciously close to a staircase?
Yep, and where I have a camera handy.
Well, honestly, I've been thinking about it and... well, we weren't very subtle.
I was! XD
Right. Oh god, I've gone smoochy. I've actually considering taking one of your Facebook pics as a background for my cell. SEE WHAT YOU DO TO ME. I used to be a perfectly trained soldier!
Skillz. I haz dem.
I love you.

*glee*