Yo-ho, yo-ho

Certificate for me.

The week was going by real good until Slim reminded me, on Monday, that we still didn't get our answers from the UQÀM regarding our first option (baccalaureate in cinema). He said it in a very subtle and understated way as his signature: "Congratulations or apologies? Congratulations or apologies? Dammit, the wait is painful."

No one else but me, of course, could understand this, because no one else but Slim and I are actually still waiting.

I was busy finishing up a long text regarding sound conceptualization for our final project. I had completely forgotten about the applications. So I was a little dismayed.

Me: Why did you have to mention university?? Now I can't focus on my work anymore!
Slim: Ahaha you read between the lines. Heehee.
Me: No, seriously, did you have to remind me? I was having a good day.
Slim: Oopsie-daisy, I guess.
Me: Now I'm second-doubting myself.
Slim: Oooooopsieeee
Me: Yeah, I know you're laughing right now, asshole! SHAME ON YOU.
Slim: How'd you know?
Me: I'm smart.
Slim: Actually, in the beginning I wasn't nervous because our submission was cool and we were real hard on it and I was confident. Except I sort of woke up today and freaked out 'cause we didn't account for the others' calibre...
Me: I know!
Slim: So I was like, "oh no!"
Me: I was like, "Fuck, we're going into cinema, and we only had time to finish an audioplay... IT SEEMED LIKE A GOOD IDEA AT THE TIME!"
Slim: Seriously. :'(
Me: On the upside, we're sure of getting into the screenwriting certificate, at least. But honestly... well, you know.

I know he knows. We were kind of voicing things we'd already discussed or felt intrisically.

Slim: (animated blowjob emoticon)
Slim: Oops. Wrong emoticon.
Me: Wtf?

This emoticon, by the way, was animated. And never ending.

Me: This is weird. Can't stop staring. He just keeps on going and going...
Slim: (different emoticon, this one also a blowjob, but with release --yeah, I know)
Slim: Fuck again.

It's obvious he's doing this on purpose, and I'm exasperated.

Me: Jesus, my boy--

Yes, I call him, and he calls himself, Jesus. Because of the beard and longish hair.

Me: (cont'd) --you need to stop that.

Now Slim puts up pictures of goats and sheep. I am very disturbed.

Me: OKAY, NO. WTF.
Slim: I am very tired at the moment, notice?
Me: Well, me too.
Slim: And I'm laughing all alone in my room.
Me: That must be worth seeing.
Slim: And thinking of all the work I have to do. Plus the dishes.
Me: And instead you're just laughing.
Slim: Yes indeed.
Slim: I suck at life. I think I failed. Game over.
Me: You don't suck. You make me smile! :D
Slim: Time to hang myself. It's all anyone can say to THAT.
Me: NooooooOOOooo...
Slim: It's over.
Me: Nooo
Slim: Over, I tell you.
Me: No!
Slim: Argh...
Slim: Blearg...
Me: No, don't do it!
Slim: Grrlblggl
Slim: Damit.
Me: OH NO HE'S DEAD AND HE CAN'T SPELL PROPERLY!
Slim: Fcku tihs siht dnam yuo cnut --okay please someone, shut me up.
Me: Stop, I'm laughing all alone in my basement now! I look like a moron.
Slim: All these years of hard work to build a fast and powerful live communication application called MessengerLive and look how people are using it.
Me: Indeed. We shan't continue to pursue this ridiculous entertainment.
Slim: Yarg. As soon as I beat myself awake and return to this strange magical parallel world we call... Well, I don't have a name for it. I'm too lazy to actually think of a cool name for it...
Slim: What's wrong with me??
Me: Let's call it the lioplurodon.
Slim: Today's recipe: mix lack of sleep, a boring schedule, stress, joy and Slim's gray matter and you get whatever you get. In this example, a nonsense MSN conversation.
Me: And lots of entertainment.
Slim: Don't forget to bake in oven at 780 degrees for a little over 55 hours.
Me: And include spices, for that added je-ne-sais-quoi.
Slim: Warning: Spice may induce a powerful chain reaction that may/will result in the destruction of your kitchen. Handle with care.
Me: Delicious and destructive all in one! Exciting!
Slim: Read manual before use. Consult your doctor.
Me: "Hi doctor, I'd like to cook this but it doesn't look stable..."
Slim: Let's see...
Slim: Hummm humm...
Slim: Yes. Alright.
Slim: My prescription is to take 200 ml of vodka mixed with 100 ml of chlorine every hour for 47 months, and take 1 Advil a day FOR THE REST OF YOUR NATURAL AND ARTIFICIAL LIFE.
Me: Are you sure there won't be any noxious side-effects? My kidney may not handle it all...
Slim: For that I'll prescribe morphine and Alesse. Because you wanna be COOL like the so-said hot girls from the commercial.
Me: Oh god those commercials are embarrassing and I never even had to make them. But yes. Alesse will make me ninja-kick someone while wearing a thong. And rip off a guy's unibrow.
Slim: Yarg, as a great pirate once said.
Slim: Hey, wanna look over my text before I send it to AA?
Me: Sure.
Slim: I'm warning you, though, that I didn't re-read it for mistakes yet...
Me: Doesn't matter since we both know I'll be checking those anyway.
Slim: XD Well said.

Slim wrote twice as much as the rest of us did. Single line-spacing. No paragraphs.

Me: Holy shit, you didn't go easy, did you?? WHY DIDN'T YOU MAKE PARAGRAPHS?
Slim: I thought about it and figured 'fuck that'.
Me: This will give me a serious headache, so you better have some Advil ready. Seriously. Writing huge paragraphs without cutting them off... you people have no sense. Young kids these days. Don't know how to live. *grumble grumble*
Slim: I did this for you:

So follows a large, bright rainbow coloured emoticon with a glowing floating "LOL" on it.

Me: I don't know whether to be flattered or seriously insulted.
Slim: So you done correcting my thing?
Me: Yeah, here. By the way, I'm really proud of you. You had less than ten spelling mistakes for all those pages.
Slim: I'm good at Frenching. XD
Me: Yeah, whatever.
Slim: Alright, well I'm-a gone. I've got to study for Gym tomorrow.
Me: You realise how dumb that sounds, right?
Slim: I know. Ah shuttup.
Slim: I want to study without distractions. I'm not naming names here.
Me: Yeah right.
Slim: G'night.
Me: Good night. See you tomorrow.

Tuesday, we all gathered at PB's place to watch the match (Mtl vs Boston 1-0). I didn't think once of our university applications.

Wednesday either.

I came home today without thinking about it, until Mom wordlessly showed me the letter.

My heart didn't even speed up. I had somehow come to expect the answer I got.

"Madam,

We deeply regret to inform you..."

I put the letter back down without reading the rest. I'm against automatic replies out of principle, and it had nothing to do with sulking.

"Well?" Mom's tone is expectant.

"I'm refused."

It's around noon. I know Slim is still at school. I wonder what his answer is. I'm scared. I'm disappointed. I'm not surprised. I wonder how he'll handle it. I want to call his cell phone. In the end, I don't.

"Let's go shopping," Mom says. She's had a rough morning. I can tell she's more disappointed by the letter than I am.

"Okay."

I bought bathing suits, pyjamas, ice cream, popsicles (season rule: if you can FINALLY walk out in t-shirt and shorts, you must purchase popsicles), and ran a few errands. I deposited cheques for my trip to France at the end of May. I checked with specialists about Gabie and my bodypainting project for our Culture class. And so on. I guess you can say I went proactive.

Now I have the certainty that I'll be attending the screenwriting certificate, meaning I'll be finishing uni in 4 years rather than three. I'm still wondering what Slim's letter says. In all, I'm still cheerful but a little disappointed.

I'm heading over to Kels' for the match tonight, so I'll probably talk to Slim about it.

... Yeah.

Love,
CM