Superheroes

"Can I call you?"

I roll over and peer at my vibrating cell phone. The message stares back at me brightly from the tiny screen. It's Gabe, and his text message is followed by a smiley.

A brief glance at my clock indicates it is eleven AM. I'm impressed. Normally Gabe sleeps until noon. I call him back, to spare him his cell phone minutes.

"Hey," I mumble.

"Oh, shit," he says, cheerfully, on the line. "Did I wake you? I didn't mean to wake you."

"No... I'm conscious. What's up?"

"I sent you an email. You're going to laugh."

"What is it?" I say, rolling out of bed and groggily standing.

"Guess who I stayed up until three in the morning talking to?"

"The Swiss, I hope. It better not be Jen, your ex."

"I'm a masochist, but give me a little credit here. I wouldn't talk to Jen even if she offered me a kitten named after me. Which she has, the obsessive woman. And which I refused outright, if you recall."

"Okay, fine, so who was it?"

"Will."

Ugh. Will. The new bane of my existence. He's so annoying, I can't stand more than fifteen minutes in conversation with him anymore. He just talks and talks and talks, and when you let the conversation drift to new topics, as is healthy, he stays on the old subject until you can't stand hearing about it anymore.

"Goddamn," I grumble, stumbling down the hallway towards the stairs. "Thanks for the awesome wake-up."

"Val," Gabe says, laughingly, "You don't understand. I talked to him for three hours. Val, does he send you his screenwriting projects sometimes?"

Oh god. Oh god no. Please. Please don't talk to me about the horror.

Will's stories are so bad and full of immature and irrational angst that I feel like I'm watching a B-movie inside my head. It's terrible. Horrible. And full of spelling mistakes.

"Too often, actually."

"Oh my god, has he sent you that story on the superhero troop... So cheesy... The name is the X-tremes I think?"
I groan in pain, heading down the stairs towards my basement. "Yes, I have had the misfortune of reading it, yes."

"That's the thing. He sent it to me last night. And I told him how bad it was."

I pause. "What? You told him? You actually TOLD him?"

I never tell Will his stories are bad. Because otherwise I can't escape his self-righteous, self-explanatory, underhanded insults pertaining to my lack of comprehension. Telling Will his stories are bad, while completely truthful, is also a surefire way of not hearing about anything else for at least two weeks. I avoid truth in his case like the plague.

"Yeah, I told him. Val, I've never read something that bad before. Aside from that story you mocked with Lyx a few months back. But that was hilariously bad. Will's stuff is just... badly bad."

"Oh my god, I still can't believe you told him. Well, don't say I didn't warn you. He kept you until 3, you said?"

"Yeah. It was hilarious. I sent you the log. I figured you'd want something to cheer you up."

I'm highly amused. I'd been about to ask for it. "I'm logging onto msn. Meet you there?"

"Sure."

"Alright. I'll read that log. I love you."

"I love you, sleeping beauty."

"Oh, shut up."

He laughs, and we hang up.

This log, while translated, has not be altered or shortened in any way. Please enjoy what made my day.

Hey dude!
Hey. What's up?
Writing! And you?
On the phone, lol, like a chick.
Heheh with your chick!
Nah, with the Swiss, but it's almost the same.
lol
He wants your money. The Will of Fortune. Get it? Will. Wheel. We're badass.
Hey I need your opinion on something do you have a couple of minutes?
Yeah yeah
Will has sent XtremeDevoir.doc.
lol
You want my opinion on something in particular?
Yeah. Everything. Except the spelling. That's your chick's job.
Right. Two seconds.
We're fighting for a dream, Gabe!
Um. What??
Coz we have a dream that one day the world will be better.
What dream? I'm fine with seeing it burn, personally...
Oh! The villain!
Yeah. I'm trying to read but MSN won't stop beeping. I'm reading, alright?
Thanks.
... Done. Explain to me the point of this homework?
It's not homework... It's a script!
Okay... it's just that it's written "devoir" in the title. I thought you meant homework. "Devoir" in the sense of "duty" then?
Yeah.
I see.
Duty of a hero!
Well, now... Tell me what you want me to tell you...
Do you like it? You understand and it makes sense?
I'll be honest. I hate this kind of story. But it makes sense. In its own particular way.
Why do you hate that? It's superhero stuff, dude!
Too utopian for me.
Well, come on!
I like when it's real. When it's really difficult. When people don't have superpowers.
It's not that utopian.
Yes it is. How does the guy fight? He boxes people?
He stops time.
And boxes people.
Yeah.
One sniper and he's dead.
Yes. Like Captain America. And Daredevil.
So... How can he save anything?
Christ, he stops time, dude! Sure, if he's sniped in the back he can't do anything, but come on. Obviously if you send him into a volcano he dies too. lol
Okay, but... what's he trying to change in the world? Superheroes always have something they want to change in the world.
He saves the city from criminals.
But in a ridiculous fashion. He stops time and boxes them? Come on. If I were a criminal he'd be dead for a long time now.
He breaks arms, he tracks those who want to do evil.
So he's like the police?
Yeah, kinda. It's called vigilante, by the way.
Okay, listen. If you want to be sure to get a lot of shit in the fan in a dangerous neighbourhood, send in the police, break a few jaws, and let the crap and violence spread. If you want things to fix themselves, send in the social workers.
But the Spectre, in the X-tremes, he acts in the shadow, like Batman.
I'm sorry. To help the world, you don't need superheroes. What you need is more education and less religion.
But he doesn't really want to fix everything. He fights mutants, dude!
Sorry, Will. I hate that kind of story, you won't make me change my mind. I'm not saying your story is bad. I just hate your style. That's all.
I'll convert you one day, Gabe, you'll see. I'm not losing faith that you see my way one of these days. In the end there's no point to reading the Lord of the Rings. Nobody can control the world with a ring. Christ, send in the cops and everything is done! lol I mean, you see, Sauron doesn't make any sense!
That's not the same. LotR is a COMPLETELY different world from ours. With magic. I don't give a fuck that the ring can control everything. For all I know, that world is vulnerable to that. But in our world, with politics, illnesses, atomic bombs, I find that an avenger with a mask is ridiculous.
LotR is a critique of the society of Tolkien's time. And I'm not talking about our world. I'm not writing reality, I'm writing fantastique.
It's fantastique where the world is like ours. Physics follow their normal course.
Not really, no. Mutants everywhere, governement trying to eradicate an extraterrestrial menace...
Extraterrestrial? I thought you said mutant.
There's time travel...
Gigantic lizards destroying Tokyo? Sorry, not buying it. It's old. Superhero names and all that.
Okay, let me ask you seriously what you think of the superhero's role in today's society.
Utopia......!
I think they're a critique of society to show that, actually, there isn't a giant lizard in Tokyo. No extraterrestrial menace. That our social problems exist, though, and that we don't need superpowers to solve them. No magic ring to control the world...
Then you've chosen the worst way of proving it. It's old, overused, cliché.
...Differences exist, suffering touches everyone...
Will. What turns me on would be something like 1984. THAT is brilliant. BRILLIANT.
...that we have a destiny or not we can change things.
Or maybe a movie on the feeling of belonging in the event of an alien attack. That'd be cool. With a common enemy people would have something better to fight than their neighbours.
Well how do you make a movie on friendship and teamwork?
... lol
You should listen to Watchmen, dude. Anyway, I'll go. But I'm keeping my hope of convincing you, my friend.
Oooh, what a shame. It was so much fun. Also, no, lol, sorry, kthnxbai.
Ah, only time will tell us which of your scepticism or my determination is the strongest. Hehe. Good night, Gabe!
You're adorable. Woe be the day you turn into a realist.
Never! Don't worry.

The time stamps indicate that an hour goes by in silence.

So finally I decided to watch jl, then I came back to haunt the world.
JL?
Justice League.
Oh.
You know, superhero stuff you detest.
Are you really watching it or is it just a manner of speaking?
I really watch it. It's... you know, cartoons.
Yes, I know cartoons. Streaming?
Downloaded. But I like that! Bam!
Ahahaha... Bam?
BAM. I'll show you in person, you'll see. It's like "oh snap" but more violent.
Aha. Right.
I think that superheroes are like an ideal. If I want to live the real world I'll read bibliographies (sic) and listen to documentaries. Which I sometimes do. But I've had enough of my real life. So I live in my worlds.
I think that to escape the real world there's much better and to face reality too.
Just to give you an idea: Divine Avenger, Guardian of the Earth, Draken the Cursed, Darafelbe the Just, Ace of Spades, vampire hunter in the west, Fallen, the fallen angel, Red the mercenary with the silver watch, and a hundred others I can name just like that.
But why always the same pattern? It's just... old.
Because I'm two-sided. Normal and insane.
No, that's got nothing to do with it. Do you honestly think I'm down to earth? I'm nuts. But I can't stand that cheesy style.
Not at all. Look at Nathan. I'd have to make you read Redemption. I mean, you'd have to see the world through my eyes.
Umm... Who's Nathan? Does he have a cause? A hard life no one understands? A costume?
No, he's just a student.
Misunderstood?
No.
What does he do?
He's just a student who's looking for his father's identity.
See? Another cheesy cause. It's worn out.
What would you rather he do?
If I had to create a superhero for my own entertainment?
He's not a superhero! Nathan isn't part of the X-treme story. I'm writing about a friend's love life lol.
Huh? Wait, you're talking about something else entirely? What the heck are you talking about?
All those things I listed are different stories.
Oh. But that's off-topic and unrelated. I'm saying that I find the superhero genre really awful. I mean, superheroes attack what? Small-time bandits?
Or people like you. Meaning supervillains who think their friend's idea is puke-worthy.
Look, with that much strength I'd strangle the president of the IMF to change something concretely. Wait. Superheroes want my death too??? :0 Sadly, I'm not a villain.
But you only think of your personal gain, obviously you don't understand anything.
I don't like old ideas. And I think on a larger scale, that's all.
Yeah right.
Attacking the neighbourhood gangstas to change the world is pretty narrow-minded.
On a large scale the world is more important than the individual.
Yes.
So if you had powers you would save the world!
Unlimited powers?
No. You choose one. You can only have one power.
Mind control.
Alright, I choose time control.
I take the head of the political world, and I make what I judge to be best.
You can.
So it's what I want.
But I can go back in time to stop you from doing that.
So what? Don't we want the same thing?
Not necessarily.
Oh, I thought we were SuperFriends. Well, in that case, I'll mind control you first.
We'll, I'd help you if your cause were noble.
Kill yourself, Will. Then I'll take over the world.
You can't mind control me.
Yes, I can...?
No, because my spirit is dispersed across time.
What's that hooey?
It's my world, I can make it what I want.
wtf You can't invent new laws. And it's OUR world right now. If your power works on me, mine works on you.
Well, it comes out of my head, it's my imagination, it's my world.
Okay, fine. Let's pretend I can't mind control you. I could still kill you with my limitless zombies anyway.
In my world there are angels, demons, superheroes, mutants, robots. Wait, no, you can't. I have a friend who's a plane pilot.
Eh?
How do you catch me if I'm in a plane?
lol. You do realise I'm mind controlling everything, including National Defence? I have the army of the USA... and all the others, besides.
Your zombies...?
The people I mind control.
Oh, right. Well, I stop time.
Okay, then what? What'll you do?
I make my way to you and I try to reason with you.
How do you get to me?
In a plane, I told you!
I'm not standing in a meadow, Will.
Time is stopped, dude!
I'm in the 30th underground level of Area 51.
Time is stopped.
And so how will you pass the 1 meter of steel door?
With Golem. He controls organic metal. He's 3m high, and he can cross any metal.
What's this shit? It's you vs. me, your power vs. mine!
Golem is part of my team!
wtf? We don't HAVE teams.
Well, ok, then. If you have an underwater bunker, I must have access to something, right?
No, no, I'm in the 30th underground level of Area 51. Which I got by mind controlling the people of the National Defence. Which is legit. I used my power to get this bunker. See? Consequentiality.
I manage to find you.
Actually, you couldn't head down to find me.
Technically, I'd go back in time to before you go in there. Or before you're born. And I beat up your father, and you're never born. What can you do against that, huh?
... I think your nature would be your end. You're a bit too nice. Effectively, you're right, but you'd have to wait until I've actually taken over the world before realising you need to do this. Although if you do kill my father, I am screwed.
I could never resolve myself to killing you. Even when you take the world.
Well. If you grew the balls to do it, I'd be helpless. That said, I probably would think things through. If I knew that a guy could go back in time, I'd kill him first.
But you don't know that I can do it.
... So... how do you know I have mind control?
You took over the world, dude!
But... Will. With your logic then, you can't know that. If I have to keep this shit hidden, I won't do it out in the open. I'd have a cover.
Well, Christ, technically I'd do my investigation, yeah.
For all you know, I could be your measly newspaper boy.
Yeah.
I could be controlling the world right now. How would you know? I'm just Val's boyfriend to you.
Yeah, put that way I'm screwed. But would you really destroy me if you controlled the world and I were one of your friends?
If I knew that our visions of the world were different to the point where you would kill me if ever you found out that I was the leader of the revolution, yes, I wouldn't have the choice. You'd kill me in the past as soon as you'd learn.
But I wouldn't do it.
Um... Well, then, what would you do?
I'd go back in the past to convince you not to do what you're doing.
... You'd talk to me?
Yes.
Ok... But I'm not doing anything horrible. I'm not very mean.
Technically removing the option of choice is not good. But if you solve all the problems in the world, I'd support you. Superheroes fight for a world of peace.
Choice? You mean if I remove the right to choose their government? Oh, but that's what I'm aiming at.
Gabe, if you don't leave them any choice it's not good.
I figure that people are extraordinarily moronic sometimes. Should I really leave them the choice of continuing to fight for man-made gods? Hmm.
Yes, because they chose to.
So why be a superhero and help them, if the world has chosen to be a big crater of steaming shit?
Because they chose to.
Okay. I see.
There. You understand now, Gabe!
Now that they chose a pile of crap, they can die in it. That's what I understand.
I have an ideal of a much better world. There's a way to change things using good.
But you don't need superpowers for that.
Not everyone is rotten. You need a just mind.
You need social change.
That too.
Like, capitalism. How did we get stuck with that?
Because we live in our world, Gabe. It's a system adapted to humans.
People won't change. Communism seemed perfect on paper, and it's impossible to apply without mass corruption. It never worked. So how can you reach a utopia? Our humanity makes it impossible. If we were machines it'd work.
We can fight to make our world a better place. Fight the injustice of our days.
How can you do that without forcing the people?
By persuading them. By putting the first stone, by giving without asking for anything in return.
You do realise that the only reason we're in peace is that we're rich using other people? It's still slavery. Thinking like that is thinking that communism could actually work.
No.
Yes.
It's called trying to make our life better.
When you give, why do you do it?
Because I enjoy giving. Because I feel good and happy and appeased.
So you're mostly doing it for yourself, not for the other. It's still egoism.
That I'm happy when people don't suffer around me? How's that egoism? It's altruistic.
So you do it completely detached of all self-satisfying sentiments?
Yes. I give without counting.
And you don't enjoy the way people look at you when you give?
Not necessarily.
... This reminds me of freaking Kant.
Good exists, Gabe!
Technically, no.
Well, I exist. Sure, I have a point of view. I can't live for others.
Y'know, in real life it doesn't apply because it'd be too freaky, but deep down good and evil don't exist.
I make anti-war choices, I recycle for the good of the planet. Both exist, always together, because everything is relative.
I figure that since we don't have a reason of being, then there is no good, and there is no bad. There are good and bad things for YOU, that are different from the ones that are good for ME. And that's just our opinions.
Yes. Exactly. You exist. I exist. Why aren't we entitled to have good?
It's not a matter of entitlement.
Gabe, you won't shoot someone on the street tomorrow! But you can stop someone from doing it.
Well, of course not. It wouldn't be fun for me, and I haven't been raised to do it. If we had all been raised to kill people on the street, it wouldn't be considered 'evil'. And all this points to the fact that a lil dude fighting brigands on the streets is a little ridiculously ineffective to achieve a world full of pretty butterflies.
Well, everyone does what they can. What do you think of that? It's like saying there's no point in recycling, or bringing someone who's injured to the hospital. I'm not talking about saving the planet, I'm talking about saving a life.
No, you see, that's actually important. Recycling actually has a big impact. It's massive.
Well, if everyone fought to stop crime...
Oh, yes, if EVERYONE took up torch and pitchfork to attack the 50 cents of the world, we wouldn't have violence in our streets. Still, that wouldn't change the fundamental problems. You'd still need people to decide to live more moderately, that they share equally, without wanting more than their next, even when in need of something.
I'm not saying my hero's saving the world. He's just doing what he thinks is right.
A'ight. That's more reasonable. I can accept that. He fights in the wrong way but he's trying.
Good. He fights because he has the power to. But he also fights for vengeance. He would sacrifice himself for someone.
That's not vicious enough, Will. Example. I'm Spiderman. I'm pretty strong, right? If I want to do good, a maximum possible amount of good considering my capacities, I think I can do a little better than fight street gangs. If I have to sacrifice myself, then how can I do it?
No, because that's what the world expects of you.
Um.
That you fight for them.
Or that I can be a real asshole for the greater good, in time.
But you want to protect the mass, not individuals.
I could kidnap G.W. Bush's two daughters to force him into closing Guantanamo. I could threaten the life of Senators so that they don't enter the war for petrol in Irak. Now that's sacrifice for a cause. It's a bitch move, too. But it's for the greater good. It doesn't look too good on TV, though. Hm...
Sacrificing oneself without causing harm. But look at the Punisher. He kills criminals because he wants vengeance. He's not very politically correct. He's a hero anyway.
He's an angry man and that's okay. It's actually already better.
Well, my character, Arthur. His life is crap. He had a nice youth that he sacrificed for what he thought was right. He lost everything, his friends, his family, his love, for what he believed in. He didn't pause to whine about his fate. He goes out in the streets to break jaws because it's what keeps him alive. If he doesn't do it, it's the noose for him. It's all he has left, and each time he actually hopes that he'll die. Die for a just cause, like his friends.
Alright. Let's pretend for a moment that the costumes and superpowers don't annoy me greatly.
He doesn't have a costume. And he doesn't use his powers if he doesn't need them.
Ever seen the Patriot?
No.
With Mel Gibson? No? It's inspiring. Let me explain. Your story reminds me of that movie. It's war. Brits everywhere. There are american rebels, but they get pwned all the time. There's always this fucking tough guy berserk style who destroys a couple of enemies in a fit of rage but he always dies and it's not enough. Well, your heroes remind me of that guy. Strong and stupid. They attack the big block of Brits. BUT in the movie Mel Gibson, he's smart. He understands you need to strike at the head. So he stops using formation tactics and does a guerilla against the generals. The world isn't going wrong because there are villains. There are villains because the world is going wrong.
Well, Darius, the bad guy in my story, do you know why he's evil? Because he had a different view on the world. Because he loved a girl who would never love him, and because he's got an insatiable thirst for power. Because he wants to change things for his own good. He doesn't care about the people he leaves behind. He goes on in his cause.
Yeah, about that. Why her?
What?
I mean, he turns berserk because she rejected him, right?
Yeah.
But... why did he want HER?
Because he loved her...?
Well, Darius is a powerful man, right?
No.
What is he in life?
He's just really lucky. He wants to become president. He's just a candidate though.
Okay. And why does he want that girl?
They went to school together.
Okay, but... What was so special about HER?
You know who it is relatively to Arthur?
The girl or Darius?
Both. Darius was Arthur's best friend. They both wanted the same girl. That's what makes the story interesting! Kate is in love with Arthur, so Darius is jealous. Everything starts there. He'll end up killing her, but it wasn't her he was aiming at.
Ooh.
It's just that Kate sacrificed herself to save Arthur, because Darius was jealous of his friends' powers, and their happiness. So Darius kills Kate and all of Arthur's friends, and that's how Arthur becomes an avenger.
Um. Ok. So he's a cop now?
No. A welder.
My. I know so little of the welding world.

"I gave up after that," Gabe confides.

"You shouldn't waste your energy on stuff like this," I chide him. "I know you like a good argument and you contradict people for the sake of proving your point, but this is below you."

"I need the practice. Law degree, remember?"

"But he's harmless and completely clueless. You should know better."

"He started it. He shouldn't have asked me for my opinion."

"I'm scared to send you my stuff now."

"Maybe you should, though. I'm curious to find out what the hype is all about. Everyone says you're good."

"I'll see if you deserve it, then."

I broke down and sent him something anyway. I did not defend my story until three in the morning, though. All I got was an appreciative "I'm impressed. You make me proud. I've been laughing out loud since I started."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

Love,
Val