In an effort to keep up

Last night was Slim's 20th birthday at Gabriel's place, where we usually do our summer campfires. I went because Slim remains, in spite of his plaintive tendencies, one of the best friends I can rely on. PB, Melanie, Anthony, Ban (who drove me there), Guy, Rick, Gabriel's girlfriend Anick, and Will and Kelly (Will's college friend, who is also a man, in spite of the way we call him Kelly) were there. It was a quiet evening, full of dirty jokes and stupid comments.

Will, it turns out, doesn't fit too well with PB and Anthony, who tend to lean towards jocular extravaganza rather than Will's geeky conversations on teleportation and screenwriting. And, considering we were at a party, I'd much rather watch PB and Anthony play pool than discuss the ethical and physical repercussions of bending the space-time continuum. I looked at Slim for help, but he was engaged in an animated conversation about the risks of anal sex with Ban and Rick (boys will be boys), and Melanie knew better than to get involved in my rescue.

So, when I finally got away, I stayed away. Will scares me sometimes. He's not a bad guy, but his efforts to fit in with what he considers to be the 'cool crowd' (that, apparently, is us) are a bit... much, sometimes.

I found refuge next to Anick and Melanie, and we discussed our future ambitions with Slim and Ban. Melanie and I will both attend the Lit bachelor's at UQAM next fall (we got our acceptance letters on March 2nd; the applications end on Feb 28th, if that can tell you anything about the speedy news). Anick is torn between cinema at U of M, or sociology at UQAM. Gabriel has applied, along with Slim, in cinema at UQAM, but their back-up plans are, respectively, cinema at U of M and post-elementary education.

Yeah, I know! Slim, a teacher? Who'd have thought?

Ban, on his part, has also applied at UQAM in post-elementary education. Rick's headed into psychology, and PB is continuing his Publicity and Marketing program at UQAM instead of going to Québec city like he did last year.

Things are going good.

Towards the end of the evening, after a few hours of dodging Anthony's cheap come-ons (that he doesn't actually mean), laughing at PB's antics, and avoiding Will's ensaring talk of temporal improbabilities, I wound up sitting on the floor next to Slim, and asking him how the life was going.

He shrugged, and said, "It's actually... um..." At this point I turned my head and saw that Will had force-seated himself between me and Anick, who had been on my other side. I turned back to Slim and he cheerfully asked, "Hey. You know what? We should go for a little walk."

I instantly agreed, because Will was already beginning to tell me about how he wasn't flexible in the least, and while his cardio was good, he could hardly stretch his legs.

Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the guy. It's just... he can be so invasive.

So Slim and I stood, as one, and headed towards the stairs. Will, not getting the hint, called out, "Hey, where do you two think you're going?"

Everyone else, who was sitting around and chatting, barely even glanced at us until Will called out. It's not like Slim and I haven't had asides during parties before. Nobody's ever made a case of it. We're best friends. It happens. Anthony and Melanie have the same thing.

"They're going to fuck each others' brains out," Anthony flatly said, and everyone, because they knew it wasn't true, agreed wholeheartedly.

PB, playing with his cue while he waited for Ban to make his move on the pool table, hardly looked up from the game and said, "Use a condom, kids."

"Vaaal," Will said, realising everything was a joke but not getting the hint to let it go, "you have a boyfriend! Do you want me to tell Gabe about this?"

Gabe, by the way, wasn't there because he doesn't really care for Slim. He knows I used to have a crush on him and he thinks Slim is 1. an idiot for not thinking I was good enough for him, and 2. a brilliant man for leaving me single and ready for Gabe to date, but especially that Slim doesn't treat me as well as I deserve. Because he'll never admit it, but he prefers to stay away from Slim rather than feel jealousy he knows he doesn't need to feel.

I can't say I blame him. We're both juggling the exclusivity of our relationship with the fact that we both have more friends of the opposite sex in our immediate surroundings than anything else. Feelings of jealousy are part of our personalities, as is the conviction that a person should be free to have the friends they wish to have, even when in a relationship. It's a constant tug-o-war between our possessiveness and our wish for the other to have some breathing space.

Anyway. Will implying he'd exaggerate facts, even as a joke, to Gabe about Slim and I, is just about the last sort of insiduous poison I need.

Slim, getting the noxious radiations from me, just glanced back at Will and said, "A ten minute talk is hardly enough to warrant threats of breaking a couple up."

Will, duly chastened, just laughed and returned to talking with Anick, who looked positively bored.

I didn't reply, and just followed Slim upstairs.

The first thing he said, once we were in the silence of the living room, was, "Goddamn, Will hasn't shut up all evening."

We immediately start agreeing that Will really needs to take things easy, that he can't expect to fit in like an old mate with our group whose members have known each other for years.

"Did you see his talk of teleportation?" I whisper, afflicted. "I don't mind that talk in school, when discussing settings and plots, but I mean, come on..."

"I know," Slim wisely says. "I drove him here." And he nods painfully, with a half-smile. "And frankly, I'm sleeping here. I don't want him to sleep at my place again."

"He insulted everything about me last Tuesday when he came to my house for the projects," I explain, frustrated. "He insulted my house, he compared it to yours, he insulted my basement's setup, he insulted me by saying 'yeah... clearly you don't receive many people here, do you?' I mean, no, I don't. Because I don't like company in my house. And then, when Gabe and I were having lunch with him, he started insulting my clothes in front of my boyfriend. I was wearing a t-shirt. It wasn't dressy enough for Will."

Slim frowns. "What the―"

"I mean, Gabe thinks my wearing plain t-shirts is sexier because it's so casual and I'm more comfortable in them. But Will just insults them, saying I should make an effort. I mean, excuse me, I'm not dating him, I'm dating Gabe, and I'm going to wear what I damn well please!"

"Seriously, and by the way, t-shirts ARE attractive. I mean, I feel kinda bad about Anthony and PB mocking him a little, but at the same time, it IS kinda annoying."

At this point, we hear footsteps in the stairs, and Will appears, looking genial and curious. Slim and I clam up, and wait for him to say something.

"So, what are you two up to?" He asks.

"Um. Catching up," I say, and it was true. "We haven't talked one on one in a long time."

This is followed by another expectant pause. Will clearly isn't getting the hint. He says, "Well, I was just wondering how long your chat was going to be, because leaving people like that is really rude."

"They can handle themselves for ten minutes," I say, now exasperated.

"Maybe. So. What are you talking about?"

"Stuff," I say, and by the way, the shorter my answers get, the more annoyed I am.

Will motions between himself and me, then between himself and Slim, and says, "Come on, guys, you can tell me. We're a trio, right?"

"Actually," Slim says, "I've known Val for a long time, and we're kinda just in need of some alone talking." Read: No, we are not a trio. We are a duo. And you're not part of it.

And, to rid ourselves of him faster, I say, passing an arm around Slim's waist, "Yeah. Slim and I have something special."

Slim starts to waggle his tongue at me, and, as Will laughs, I kneel before Slim and he undoes his belt. Will, laughing louder, suddenly cries, "Okay, folks, wait until I'm out of here!" And, as we expected, he heads back downstairs. Slim reties his belt and I stand again, exasperated. Downstairs, Will is loudly retelling what he witnessed, and Slim and I listen as Anthony and PB send him another couple of annoyed let-it-be undertones. No one would honestly believe that Slim and I did anything, but Will had been so scandalized by the sexual comments everyone makes to the others that he naturally would freak out.

"See that?" I whisper, pissed off. "We asked for TEN minutes. Ten. And he still―"

The stairs creak again, and Will returns, with his cell phone, and says, "They asked for visual proof. Would you mind doing that again?"

Slim blinks, his stare flatter than a preteen's chest, and I look at the cell phone's eye with disgust. Knowing Will, he could jokingly send any fake incriminating pictures to my boyfriend, for the laughs.

And then I could watch a joke ruin the trust between Gabe and I.

Harshly, I say, "No." I'm not stupid, and I'm not going to let a gag get out of hand.

Disappointed, Will retreats, whining about how un-game we are. Slim and I, without replying, move away towards the couches, and we're finally left alone.

We talk for some five or ten minutes before Ban comes upstairs. He doesn't step into the room; he just nods at me and whispers, "When you're ready, Val, vamos time."

"Ok," I whisper back. "Thanks. I'll be right there."

"No rush," Ban nods, and the difference in respect for Slim and I is notable. "You haven't talked in a while. I'll just say bye to everyone now."

I stand, and Slim and I, agreeing to continue our conversation later, wrap up our talk with a summary of things we still need to discuss... And as we head towards the stairs, come face to face with Will, again.

He says, coolly, "Hey, I heard you were going, so I came to say bye."

I blink. "I was going to go back downstairs to say bye to everyone anyway."

"Oh." Will doesn't seem to realise the logic of this statement. I smile tightly and move past him, to the basement, and tell everyone I'm leaving with Ban.

The immense relief of escaping Will's clutches was like the fresh night air. Ban and I discussed our respective couples on the 45 minutes drive home, and I went to sleep.

So what d'you do last night?

Slim's b-day. It was weird to hang out in the basement rather than around the campfire like in the summer.
But it was alright. There just was Will who made things awkward...

lol What'd Will do?

I don't know how to explain it, really... It's like, he was trying too hard to fit into the gang, too fast. I mean, we know each other since elementary school, and high school, and cegep... They're strong bonds that you can't create in one night. Kelly was alright, but Will tried too hard. I mean, Slim and I, we were catching up and Will never stopped interrupting. We couldn't even talk for ten minutes. ... So what are you up to?

Yesterday or today?

Both, unless it's top secret because the world has been threatened by nuclear missiles which you've managed to deactivate at the last second.

Oh, no... sadly it was a lot less epic, but still. I'm cooking right now. Last night I screamed at my sister.

What happened?

As usual. She lacked tact to a shocking level. It was Grandpa's birthday, and we called him from Mom's house because her phone deal costs practically nothing and we can call all the way in Gaspesia for free. He was really happy. And then I suggested we should also, while we were there, call Aunt Marlene, because she's the one who sent me the shirt you thought fit me so well last Wednesday, and I wanted to say thanks, and besides, when she's not going on and on about the Lord, she's cool. But then the sister freaks out, she's like "Hell no, ONE per evening is MORE than enough! I'm not calling anyone else!"

0_0

And she says it like, "one sack of shit per evening", you know? I mean, yeah, sometimes talking to your grandparents can be awkward, but I mean, Marlene's pretty chill most of the time. And Mom was clearly holding back her comments on my sister's behaviour, but I was openly D8

Seriously... I mean, even if you don't feel like it, you make an effort. Family's still family.

Well duh, yeah, I mean, you control yourself and shut your trap, right? Anyway, I called Marlene in the end, but she wasn't there so I left a message of thanks and that was it. But when I drove Laurie and a friend home, I don't know what they were talking about but suddenly Laurie cries out, "YEAH, OR ELSE GABE WILL SAY I LACKED TACT AGAIN HAHAHA".

Oopsies.

And I say, "Yeah... like tonight." And she asks what I'm talking about, so I reply, "Duh, like tonight with Marlene, you thickhead." And she starts yelling at me and losing bolts. At this point we're in the car, remember. I just looked at her... I was VERY pissed. And I said in Gaspesian words to make sure she understands, " 'kay, listen ap, ya. Y'ain't scarin' meh with y'ur yowlin'. So ya shut it live, right, or ah drop ya on the si'e of highwa' twen'y and ya fuckin' walk y'ur way 'ome." So she shut the fuck up. Martinne was really uncomfortable... Whoops.

It's funny slash scary how you speak with the Gaspesian accent when you're pissed...

Heck. She knows I never get angry, and I was more than pissed. J'étais en tabarnak. I can't freaking believe that on top of thinking her behaviour is acceptable she goes and screams at me for reprimanding her about it. Everyone else is so scared of her anger fits they won't dare to tell her, lest she bite their heads off. Anyway.

I guess you'll have to handle that yourself, then... Tough job being her brother, innit?

Whatever. I slept on it and I'm alright now... I just woke up. :p Food's gonna be godly noodles from paradise itself. FOOOODDDZZZ

OM NOM NOM NOM

Ahaha so cute... ♥

Oh, how comforting it is for me, my love, that you will not abandon me for a noodle-maker, in spite of your great love of noodles.

Hm... but the noodles... they're so delicious... Am I allowed to seduce the noodle-makers to steal their noodles and run off into the sunset with the delectable delicacies?

I dunno. Define seduce. Are we talking about making-out or merely a charming smile?

No, I'd make them envision a distant possibility. AND THEN I'D TAKE TEH NOODALS AND RUN AWAY. MWAHAHAHAHA

That is so ingenious.

Oh yes. It's why I'm on this earth. God wants me to steal noodles. Because he likes it and manipulation makes my god laugh.

LOL He's right to entrust you with this quest. You're the best for the task. He created you handsome and blond to seduce noodle-makers.

D'you think noodle-makers prefer blonds?

Yes, because you remind them of the colour of the products they so dearly love creating.

Ahahaha they think they've found the noodle man of their dreams!

Exactly. Now, in my case, I've been created to seduce chocolatiers.

:o I want chocolate too! ... Which is why I've seduced the Swiss.

Yes, because you remind him of the cheese he enjoys so much.

One day they'll devour me, Val, I swear! I've always known it, but I love chocolate so much that I throw myself in the wolves' den more than I should...

Your courage and daring will make you a hero amongst chocolate lovers.

Such pride... Hey, I've decided to play one Tetris game and I got FIVE purple 'L's in a row, Val! FIVE.

It's a conspiracy.

As surely as the fact that the Earth is the centre of the universe!

Actually, this Tetris game proves the fact.

Who do you think orchestrated it?

The evil god who opposes all good and beautiful things in the world, like noodles and chocolate and weekends.

Softie?

No, the Swiss' cat is not an evil god. He is the guardian of all good and beautiful things.

Not really. I mean, he's a pretty chaotic god. When he blinks someone dies, and when he frowns a tsunami occurs on the other side of the globe...

He isn't chaotic... It's just that we mere mortals don't understand his work.

Alright, then the only other suspects are the Russians from Basshunter's Russia Privjet.

... I love you.

I love your dementia.

Excuse me, you are the most demented of us two.

Ahahaha I tried to explain that to the Swiss last night. He was furious :p I love when he's jokingly furious but it's partly serious.

What was he furious against?

Bah. He was mumbling and grumbling and ranting and raving as usual, and out of the blue he asks, "So, what does Val have that's so special?" And I was taken a little short because I hadn't really been paying attention, because he'd been saying random stuff for like, an hour. And I explained that you were like me. And he didn't understand. So I told him we have the same sort of dementia, a different kind from the one I have with him, and it's rare to find another person who has like a mush delirium in their head when you thought you were alone. And he started sulking.

Well, I like being insane with you. You're the only one who seems to think of the same stupid shit that I do. But... is the Swiss really jealous or is he kidding?

Bah. He reminds me of my ex. He makes jokes but then he suddenly takes them seriously, and then not... Like, he's been saying, "OH SRY I'M NOT AS FUNNY AS VAL!!!"

I'm the poison that's destroying your couple. :p

Yeah. Right. Exactly.

So, you have work to finish?

Yeah; I'll leave in a moment. I just need to finish my lunch.

Alright. I love you. ♥ I'll catch you later. Kisses!!!

I'm in love with you, Val. :) You're adorable. ♥ ♥ ♥

I know. I know. ;)

Love,
Val