Heartwarming Chocolatey Super Special Awesome

So we went to Moe's Sunday night. Actually, I went to Moe's alone because everybody else already had a lift from PB. Resourceless little me had no choice but to hitch a ride on my own.

But I walked in and they were all there.

I'd like to mention that while I was away for those two weeks, not a day passed by where I didn't think of them, wishing alternately that they could be there with me, or that I could be over here with them. I was also terrified that they would have either forgotten me or replaced me, or just lessened my relative importance.

But they nearly jumped me the moment I saw them.

It was AA's birthday, so I squealed as much as she did. Mel, Maria and Iva were also there, and they each hugged me so gleefully that I was a little surprised.

"Oh my GOD, CM!" AA exclaimed, excited. "HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?"

"It was AWESOME!" I say, cheerful as hell.

"Whoa, whoa there," Maria suddenly stops me. "Now CM, you need to explain EVERYTHING TO US. WHAT THE HELL--"

"WHERE DID YOU GET A BOYFRIEND??"

The question is pretty much shouted at me from every direction. Stunned, I blink and try not to laugh.

"Uh, do you mind if I explain it later, when everyone―"

"CM. Now." Mel leaves no space for arguments.

"Alright, alright." I grin and say, laughing at their expressions, "It was a joke. I don't really have a boyfriend."

"Ooooh."

"Yeah, that's what we figured. It seemed implausible." AA, ever so tactful, stuns me.

"Um. Thanks," I say, frowning. "Are you saying that I'm―"

"No, no," AA says hastily, as though realising just then what she had said, "it's just that you couldn't possibly be gone for a week and a half and somehow get a boyfriend."

"Maybe I could." Geez, had I known I'd be so openly insulted...

"Don't take it badly," Mel laughs. "It's just that you don't quite realize how this whole thing had an impact on all of us."

"Um. Yeah, I saw my Wall on Facebook," I laugh. "Had I known you'd all react this much, I wouldn't have done it."

"It's SO much worse," Maria says.

"CM, that piece of gossip had us talking about it for the whole following week," Mel says, giggling.

I roll my eyes. "Oh, please."

"We're not kidding," Iva says. "It was actually the subject of one HUGE conversation last week. Everyone was there. PB, Slim, all of us girls, Anthony, Ban, you know."

"CM, a whole night of talking about you and your potential boyfriend," AA says, gravely. "You had us talking for like, four hours."

FOUR HOURS????

I didn't even realise there was enough stuff to say about me to fill up four hours!

Also, this has me curious. Slim was there? I wonder what he thought about it.

"Come on," AA says, dragging me along, "let's go! Tonight, we drink!"

I let her drag me along, pondering the insanity. Has everything gone topsy-turvy? There used to be a time where people AVOIDED talking about me. Because I just wasn't interesting enough. Like, a time where I was the last one chosen in sports teams and everything. And bullied and outcast.

And now I'm the subject of FOUR-HOUR DEBATES ON THE PART OF THE SMARTEST AND MOST ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE I KNOW??

Wow. I must specify I was stunned.

I didn't bother asking what they'd spoken about. They wouldn't be honest. A part of me was convinced they'd gone on, repeating that I simply wasn't the type to get a boyfriend at all. Or something mischievous like that. But I do have borderline paranoid tendencies, so I'm hoping my impression is just that.

"They're not here," Mel says as we reach the somewhat empty dancefloor. "Let's try upstairs."

We climb the steps. I'm so excited to be back among my friends that when I turn the corner and enter Moe's somewhat quieter bar upstairs, and see like, another ten people I know sitting and talking at a table, I feel my heart swell.

Everyone turns, and their eyes fix on me. A greeting sounding like a "HEY!!!" is followed by a general attack of hugs.

I see Slim. He has changed a lot since I left. When I left, he had long hair, a beard and mustache, and had gone beyond looking like Jesus (a hot Jesus, though, thank you).

He had shaved completely and shortened his hair. It was still on the longish side, but at least half the length it had been before.

He looked good. My heart skipped a beat. But that MIGHT have been because I was getting a choking hug from Liz.

"OH MY GOOOOOOD CM YOU'RE BACK!"

"PUTAIN!" PB exclaimed, grinning, and kissing me on both cheeks. "Une maudite Française!"

"And how are you?" I asked, glaring at him and trying not to laugh. "Salaud de porc Québécois?"

"Doing great. How was France?"

"Amazing. I loved it!"

"Good to know," he smirked. I was then assaulted by Kels and Ban, who both wanted to know about my fake boyfriend. Which is how the news quickly went around. Apparently, everyone was relieved to hear it. Or didn't seem surprised.

I commented about this to Kels, who admitted that my brother had told them yesterday night.

!!!

"What?"

"We saw him― Well, me and PB and Ban and Ban's girlfriend. At the Tim Horton's."

"Well fuck me," I said. "I thought I'd be the one to break it to you."

"I just wanted a confirmation," Kels said, sheepishly. "You really had us going for a while there. We actually talked about it like, a whole evening last week."

"CMMMM!" I hear a high-pitched voice calling, and turn around to greet Josie, who is followed by Kitty. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

" 'Happy birthday'?" I echo, confusedly.

Josie pauses, and then she says, "Oh, shit. Wrong person. AA!" And she walked off.

I turned to Kitty. "Hi."

"Hi."

Silence. We'd spent a full two weeks together in France. She certainly wasn't going to ask me how things had gone.

"Um. I'm not greeting you." I say.

At the same time, Kitty agrees, "Yeah. I'm sick of seeing you. Bye."

We laughed and she moved aside.

Slim was standing there, looking beautiful and amazing and much better than France. He had on a blue HIM tee-shirt I'd never seen before, and a dark grey button-down on top. He already had some sort of five o'clock shadow.

"Hey."

"Hi," I say, and before he can greet me with a kiss on both cheeks, I raise a hand and run my fingers on his somewhat hairless cheek.

He grins broadly. "I'm clean again."

"You're not a hobo anymore!" I tease him. "And your hair too. It's nice."

I raise my fingers to run them through his hair just once.

And he lets me.

As I lower my hand, he starts saying, "So. You're back. I heard you had a good time."

"Um. How could I not?"

"Bitch. It's my turn to go to Europe now."

"Germany and Austria, right?"

"Right. A childhood friend is studying in Berlin, and she said I could drop by if I needed a place to stay... But she only has space for one person, and I don't wanna go alone, because that would suck."

"CM!"

I turn. Anthony just arrived, and he almost knocks me over as he hugs me. He burrows his face into the crook of my neck (this is common; Anthony is very... uh, physical) and says, "Lady, I missed you."

"You would," I said, moving away from him when he finally lets go. "So how―"

"Wait. First we have some business to take care of. What's this I hear about you having a boyfriend??"

"Oh my god, Anthony, I thought you'd heard. It was just a joke."

"A joke." He looks heavily suspicious. "No kidding."

"I'm serious. It was just a dumb prank we came up with while we were away. I'm sorry if you―"

"Do you know that prank caused us to discuss your love life for a whole evening last week?" Anthony is highly amused.

"I'm sorry about that. It must have been boring."

"You'd be surprised," Anthony laughs, and doesn't elaborate because some guy drags him away for a beer. I turn back to Slim, already out of breath, and he opens his mouth to speak when I feel Liz, who is considerably smaller than me, suddenly tug on my arm to drag me away as well.

"Come on, CM," she says. "We're going for an Alabama Slammer!"

"I want a Sex Kitten," I whine.

"Slammers! And that's final! Come on, AA, Mel!"

I turn to look back at Slim even as they drag me away. "I'll be right back," I say, raising my finger. He looks both overwhelmed and amused. I know exactly the feeling.

As we wait for our drinks to be prepared, the girls describe to me the massive hoopla the whole fake boyfriend thing did for them. I eventually explain to them how the prank came to be, and they just shook their heads.

"Four hours," AA says. "Man. And it was a good conversation too."

"It was!" Mel agrees. "I tell you. The guys were as involved in this rumour as the girls were. They were such gossips."

"Glad to be of valuable entertainment." I glance back at our table and see that Slim is listening to something PB is saying. But occasionally he looks back at me and raises a brow, like, 'What's taking so long?'

Finally, we get our drinks and amble back to the table. The Slammers were awesome. Slim looks at me sipping gleefully and says, "So. Yeah. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed your trip a good deal. I know you had doubts before heading off..." He glances around and, spotting neither Kitty nor Eva (the latter of which would NEVER go to Moe's unless it was a particularly important occasion), says, "I mean, you did say your personality tended to clash with them."

"It almost did, but I swallowed my pride most of the time." I shrugged. "To avoid arguments, you gotta make sacrifices. It wasn't always easy, but in the end it was worth it."

"I guess."

"I missed a lot of things, though. Didn't I?"

"Yeah, I guess." Slim shrugs. "The camping at Gabriel's, the grad ceremony... the cinema intercollegiate in Rouyn... But that's it."

"Um. Right."

Suddenly, Slim gets animated. "Oh my god, I gotta tell you. The movies at the interco sucked ass! They were so boring!"

"Let me guess," I say, "Psychopaths and expressive montages?"

"No. Just uneventful scenarios."

"But did you at least have fun?"

"Yeah."

He's lying. Something happened that bothered him. I can tell it from his body language. He just shoved his hands into his pockets and scrunched his shoulders a little. He shoots me a mild frown.

"But nothing as awesome as France, don't worry."

"I missed you. I missed you guys."

"You would."

"CM, we're going to dance!" AA suddenly says. "No arguments allowed." She starts to pull at my arm. I shoot a quick glance at Slim, who looks as bothered and somewhat dismayed by the interruption as I feel. I laugh.

"Wait, no, wait," I tell AA. "I'll join you in a little moment. You go on ahead."

"You have to come down, though."

"I will. Just give me a second."

"Alright. See you."

She, Mel, Liz, Kels and Maria amble away. Slim and I are still standing, but PB, Anthony, Iva and Ban have found seats once again. They're just chatting away over their pitcher of beer.

"Hey," Slim says, dragging my attention back to him. "You sent us a mail from over there. What were you talking about... at one point you mentioned you'd gotten some sort of eviction notice?"

I laughed. It's true. I proceed to explain to him how, one night in Paris, at the apartment we'd rented, Kitty had picked up the phone and received an automatic message saying that if we didn't pay our dues to the city administration, they would employ a bailiff, and that it was the third and final message. In a panic, we'd called Sébastien the janitor who assured us it was nothing more than a hoax.

"The French have a twisted sense of humour," Slim commented, still amused by my retelling of the phone call.

"You tell me. ... Oh, by the way."

"What?"

"I bought you a souvenir."

"You bought me a souvenir." He looks surprised.

"Yeah. On top of the one I bought that fits with everyone else's."

"So I get two?"

"Yeah. And I thought I should probably warn you right now before I hand them over on Tuesday for Maria's Goodbye party."

"Warn me?" He frowns. Now that he's somewhat clean-shaven, I notice how his lips twist into a mild pout when he frowns. From memory, I recall how soft his lips are. And then I shake it off.

"Yeah. Because, um... it's not exactly your, uh, traditional souvenir."

"How so?"

"Well, I don't want to tell you what it is just yet." A condom. "Because I want it to still be funny." It's a condom. "But I just want you to know how I came to buy it. Before you see it."

"Um. Okay."

"You know how your sister bought you that 'I ♥ NY' t-shirt? Well, there were plenty of 'I ♥ Paris' tees in the same kind. I saw them and I thought, 'Well, it's not cool to buy something TOO similar. And besides, they were expensive. So I was buying a tee-shirt for myself and I came to the cash―"

Here I should mention that Slim's expression of interest and amusement kinda made me feel a little weak to the stomach.

"―and I saw this small crate of..." CONDOMS WITH 'I ♥ Paris' ON THEM "...well, I won't tell you. But anyway, I saw the crate, and I was like, 'Oh my god, this is so much better than a tee-shirt, because it's much less expensive', you know?" 3€, as opposed to 29€. "So without thinking about the implications of what I was doing, I just handed over the money, plopped it in my bag, and walked out of the souvenir store."

"Implications?" Slim echoes in amusement and confusion.

"Yeah. And then as soon as I'd stepped out, I paused, and slapped my forehead, and asked myself, 'WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST DO??' " Buy a condom for Slim. "I was totally pissed at myself. Anyway. Um."

"I'm really curious now," he laughs.

"Yeah. Well, just to warn you. It's a little particular, as a gift. So don't freak out when you see it. I figure that if you don't have the sense of humour to take it, then we make poorer friends than I thought."

He squints at me. "That's all very mysterious."

"Well, I warned you."

"I'm warned."

"Is it just me, or does Iva look a little under the weather today?" I had just noticed Iva sitting next to a rambunctious Anthony, a talkative PB and a drinking Ban.

"She got her wisdom teeth pulled out," Slim says, in a suddenly bored tone. I'm a little surprised, and turn to glance at him. He's looking at me.

It's weird, you know. I thought he had a developing crush on her, but he doesn't seem to have anything whatsoever right now.

"Is she alright?" I ask.

"She'll be alright," he says, shrugging one shoulder. "She's got painkillers."

"Oh. Well."

"By the way," he suddenly says, cheerfully, "I have the DVDs of the movies from this year, so if you want a copy..."

"Um. YES." We get excited. "And I want to see the making-of you did for the school."

"Easy as pie. It's on my computer, so..." We're both grinning like idiots. And then I remember about the dance floor.

"Shit, I'm off to dance. So―"

"CM!"

I turn, and am assaulted by two kisses from Gabriel.

"Hey, world-weary traveller," he teases. "Good to see you again."

"Same to you," I say, affectionately. "I missed you guys."

"Who wouldn't? Shit, is that beer?" He ambled off towards PB, Anthony and Iva's table. I glanced at Slim.

"Well, I'm off to dance."

"Okay, let's go."

I was glad. I mean, I couldn't believe Slim would eschew beer, Iva's company, and the company of his funniest friends to dance. I mean. Really.

We hurry down the steps. Meanwhile, I tease Slim about his having only-female childhood friends.

"Look," he says, mildly annoyed, "I don't choose that kinda thing. And they're not ONLY women."

"I think it's the longish hair. Makes them feel right at home."

My teasing is met with a snort and a sarcastic, "Yeah, that must be it."

God, I'd missed him.

We cut off conversing then because the thumping music was too loud. I was dragged by AA and Liz towards the bar. They wanted shots.

"Slim!" I mouthed even as they pulled at my arms. "Slim, come drink with us!"

He followed diligently, even though he NEVER does as I say, just to piss me off. Usually.

I paid for the shots myself. It was AA's birthday, and I was feeling generous. The girls and I took two vodka-limes each, and Slim chose two tequila shots.

We downed them swiftly, and then I was dragged away to the middle of the dance floor for some twenty minutes. I eventually drifted back to the outskirts of the dance floor, and saw Slim sitting on a stool near Gabriel's group of friends, looking a little dazed. Over the heads of the other dancers (I'm a tall girl), I shot him a suspicious glare. He caught my eye and nodded at me with a squint.

I motioned. 'What's with the long face?'

He shrugged and motioned to his leg. 'Letting it rest.'

'What's wrong with it?' I frown and shake my head.

He kicks with his leg, and I get a dawning realisation. Slim and PB play soccer. They'd had a game earlier today, so he must have strained his leg somehow.

I nod, enlightened, then cringe in sympathy. He shrugs and smiles wanly. I slowly amble towards him. I open my mouth to speak, but I'm interrupted.

"CM," Gabriel says, turning towards me, "So what's going on with the boyfriend?"

"You didn't hear? It was a joke. I'm sorry I teased you."

"Ah," he shakes his head and teases. "I always knew you weren't that good at snatching dudes."

"Asshole. I did get a lot of compliments, okay? Including from bikers. I'm a biker chick."

Gabriel barks with laughter and turns back to answer one of his friends' question. I turn towards Slim, who's sitting on the stool patiently. He hasn't heard anything Gabriel and I just exchanged because the music is too loud.

"If you're not going to dance," I say, forced to lean into his ear, "let's go back upstairs."

"I'm just resting," he replies, but he stands anyway. "I'm not up for heavy dancing tonight."

I nod slowly, and watch the dance floor in a slight daze. Suddenly, he leans forward into my ear and says, gruffly, "Well what are you waiting for? Let's go!"

I blink, and then I obey him. We hurry back up the stairs, and return to the table where PB, Iva, Anthony and the others were sitting and drinking.

"Let's go outside for a breath," Iva says to me. "Anybody else?"

Josie follows us, and I shoot a glance at Slim. He was about to sit, but shrugs and comes along. We all walk onto the balcony, into the cool night air. Here, we can talk at our leisure.

"Anyway, CM, I heard your fake boyfriend got everyone really excited," Josie says, amused. I refrain from commenting that she was among the worst. Iva rolls her eyes with a smile. She looks tired and a little in pain.

"Facebook is such a load of trouble," she jokes.

"I love Facebook," Josie said. "When people are serious on it, of course." She shoots me a pointed look.

Slim is cheerful now. "Yeah, what is this??" He looks at me accusingly, but he's smiling. "I come home from pre-camp and I get this message that one of my friends is suddenly in a relationship? What kind of bull is that?"

"It was all for laughs," I say.

We talk for some fifteen minutes until Josie leaves. Iva stays for a while to talk, but then leaves as well. Slim and I stay to keep talking, until he finally looks around and remarks, "Hey, everyone's gone. Let's go before we start to look like dumbasses."

I laugh and follow him. The evening goes by quickly, punctuated by multiple drinks. Occasionally, I tried to steal the elastics Slim had on his wrist. He argued that he felt naked without them, seeing as he had some for so long before, on account of his longer hair. The girls also tried to steal them, but I was the only one who succeeded without him angrily fighting to get them back.

I'd like to remind you I was heavily jetlagged still, and therefore that the drinks were harder on my system than I'd anticipated.

In the amount of memories I have (I was too tired to remember everything sequentially), I recall Liz dragging me by the hand towards the dance floor. She had begged Slim and I to come with her, and Slim had smirked at me, joking that if he could be part of a girl sandwich, he wouldn't mind.

So Liz was also dragging Slim along, and we both trailed after her cheerfully. The way she pulled, though, I was behind Slim but with my arm brushing his waist. He didn't arrange to avoid the contact.

Once she found a break in the crowd, she dropped our hands and started to dance. I did the same, and Slim finished our circle, tall enough to cut off the sort of mosh-pit that a few guys wanted to create. He was closer to me than usual, but I was too gone to notice until I paused, my head unusually light and blood pressure low.

"CM?" Liz's concern broke through the pouding music to poke my feather-light cranium. I felt good, but I must have looked bad. "Are you okay?"

Slim had also paused, but I don't recall seeing him. I think he was to my side. I heard him ask me, in the ear, "Are you going to be alright?"

"You're not looking good, CM," Liz insisted.

"Are you going to barf?" Slim asked, with his trademark tact.

I shook my head, annoyed. "No, I'm not going to barf. I'm okay."

"I think it's too hot in here," Liz said, clearly worried.

"I'm okay," I say, but then someone pushed me accidentally and I stumbled sideways. Slim held me up. His tone, when he spoke, was final.

"Let's get you some time off," he said, and he and Liz accompanied me off the dance floor and towards the bar. They sat me on a stool and I leaned my head forward to rest on my crossed arms. I was so tired, and my eyes wanted to close. I felt gentle hands pull my hair off my nape and tie them into a sort of ponytail. It felt good to feel fresh air cool the sweat, so I let them.

Next thing I know, I hadn't budged from the counter. Someone's hand was rubbing my shoulder, and someone else had poked me. I lifted my head and blinked tiredly at a really cute guy, with blondish hair, who was peering at me concernedly.

"Are you going to be sick?" He asked me, and I squinted at him in confusion. Did I know this guy?

"Um. No," I said. "I'm just tired. Who are you?"

"You're okay?"

"Yeah. I'm jetlagged. Who are you? Do I know you?"

He looked at me weird, then said something I didn't distinguish because of the loud music, glanced over my shoulder at, I presume, Slim or Liz, then shrugged and vanished in the crowd. I blinked in confusion, then felt Liz pull me back off the stool.

"Let's get you some fresh air," she said. But then she disappeared and she was replaced by Slim, who said, in my ear, "Don't worry. I've got you."

Like I couldn't walk straight or something.

Okay, I couldn't. But I wasn't too weak to stand. I could walk just fine on my own. Just not straight, that's all. And I was in heels, too.

"Who was that guy?" I asked Slim as we slowly walked towards the front door. I did notice that Slim kept a hand hovering near my waist at all times, as though he expected me to keel over or something. But I didn't feel that bad at all. Just tired.

"Just a random guy. I think he wanted a laugh at your expense."

This doesn't make me feel so good.

"CM," Anthony calls, and suddenly his face fills my vision. "You look awful. Who ran you over?"

I frown, and Slim says something I couldn't overhear because of the loud music, but I think it was stern enough for Anthony to smile and give me an apology. He was only kidding. But something about my dignity is stung.

But I shrugged it off, like I had during the whole trip. Kitty and Eva, as good souls as they can be, are still extremely trying travel companions. I cannot count the number of times I had to let them insult things I thought beautiful, skip things I wanted to see, complain about anything and everything, and generally force me to keep my tongue tied unless I wanted to start a furious argument among the group. My temper is legendary once it flares, and I didn't want to ruin the trip completely.

One could say my lack of reaction, my capacity to contain my frustration and my extreme patience were near angelic. To me, they were tough.

And Anthony's remark, which I tried to ignore, made angry tears sting my eyes.

I calmly and quietly broke away from the guys, who were talking in the lobby, and trailed a hand on the wall in order to maintain my balance. I pushed the door open and walked out into the parking lot, passing by the groups of smokers and others getting some fresh air. I did a straight line away from Moe's front door, between the cars, just walking it off, just letting myself seethe for once.

Oh god, I shouldn't have taken a drink. Where was Liz, anyway? I'd lost sight of her. But whatever. She'd probably handed me over to Slim.

I walked, quicker and quicker, as straight as I could, between the cars. It was a commercial centre, so the parking lot was large enough for me to vent my anger. Eventually, I was just... void.

I hear running steps behind me, catching up. "Hey!"

What the...

"Hey, slow down," Slim says, following in long strides behind me. I feel his hand on my spine, for just a fraction of a second, and then he falls into step beside me, casually. "Where do you think you're going?"

"For a breath," I say, voice choked. "Whose elastic is this?" I ask, reaching up to undo my hair.

"Mine. Are you okay?"

"Yeah..." And then, "No, I'm not okay."

"How come?" As he coolly keeps up with me, I hear the sincere interest in his tone.

"I don't know. Everything sucks," I grumble, and feel my eyes fill with fresh tears.

"Okay, whoa, let's not be so dramatic," he says. Angrily, he adds, "How can you even say that? 'Everything sucks'?? What the hell?"

"It's just... I..."

And then everything comes pouring out. My frustration, my fears, my pride. For a full minute I'm babbling.

"―and then I had to pretend I didn't care, even though they were such jerks and oh my god!" I gasp to catch my breath. I'm sobbing. We'd reached a lamppost and it casted an orange glow on everything. The night air is cool, and we're far away from Moe's. Far enough that we're alone. "I just couldn't stand half of it. They didn't appreciate the value of what they saw, they whined about everything, they were unforgiving... Oh my god." I'm shocked at the violence of my reaction. I'd thought I had everything under control. "And then I kept thinking of you. Oh god, I missed you all so much. I wanted you to be with me. I needed―"

I feel Slim help me sit on the sidewalk. It's covered in tiny rocks, but I don't feel them. He sits next to me, and watches me calmly, not saying a word. I'm still blabbering.

"―I needed someone to―" I choke on my own tears, "―to just YELL at, and you weren't there, and everything just stayed bottled up because they don't understand like you do, and... and..."

I feel a little sting on the side my breast. I turn to look at Slim. He's amused. He's searching for another rock to throw at me.

"Are you throwing rocks at me?" I'm incredulous.

"Yeah. But keep going. So, you hate them?"

"No, I don't hate them." Miserably, new tears pour out. "Oh my god, I just... They didn't understand. I missed you so much. I knew from the start it'd be tough. You knew it. But I had to swallow my pride so many times―"

"Swallow your pride?" He throws another tiny rock flippantly, but his confusion is obvious.

"Yeah. Like, they'd insult me, and I'd have to shut up or risk creating more trouble, and―" I fall back on to the sidewalk, my arms thrown over my face as I sob helplessly. It feels so good to just let it all out. The pent-up anger just flows out of me and it feels amazing.

"―and I couldn't say a word. Oh my god, why are you always there when I have a breakdown―"

"―take it all out―"

"―oh god I missed you so much―"

"―it's ridiculous; let it out―"

A tiny rock hits my arm again. Slim and I are just venting a shower of words. He's covering mine with his, but where I'm hysterical, he's calm and comforting, and neither of us is listening to the other. We're just talking non-stop, for a full minute, at the same time, just babbling words that are losing their meaning, when I get around to saying the main preoccupation I had during the whole trip.

"―I kept worrying you'd forget me, and that you guys would―"

A larger rock hits me and it really does sting this time. I open my eyes, breathless from the babbling and sobbing, and peer at Slim, who turned to look at me incredulously.

"Ouch," I say, angrily. I sit up. "That hurt, this time."

"Please, CM," he says, shooting me the exact same annoyed look, "Has your frustration made you dumb? You left for TWO WEEKS. Not a year. How could we forget you?"

"But you had so many things together. The camping, the graduation ceremony, the interco―"

He shrugs, and I notice then that he's trying to hide his own frustrations.

"Well, didn't you?" I insist.

"Frankly, you shouldn't worry about having missed those. They weren't all that."

"They weren't?" I'm surprised, but especially concerned by his dark look. "Slim, did something happen?"

He shrugs, and messes around with more rocks.

I have a sinking feeling.

"Slim, did something happen between..." You and Iva? Impossible. But Iva and PB wouldn't be so farfetched. They always play-flirt. "... Did something happen in the gang that..."

"Not really. Well, I mean..." he sighs.

"Tell me."

"I just had this huge depression last week. The first week was fine, but the second week was..."

So had I, but only because I missed him and the gang so much.

"Why? Slim, tell me."

"It's just... It's stupid."

"No, it's not. Tell me."

"Okay, you know how I fancied I was interested in Iva?"

I knew it. I knew it was because of Iva.

"Yeah."

"Well, some things happened that convinced me... well, that I really wasn't interested in Iva at all. That we just don't connect. And some other things, too."

"Tell me. I think I can already guess."

"Okay, first, two days after you left there was the camping at Gabriel's. It sort of sucked because half the people weren't there. Gabriel's friends weren't interesting and our gang was sort of tired. Anyway, we played dumb games all night..."

"Osé games?"

He snorts. "Yeah, I guess you could say that. You know, though, how PB and Iva..." He trails off. I nod in understanding. "Anyway. When the time came to sleep, PB and Iva ended up spooning. It made me so angry, for some reason. But then I got angry because it made me angry. I mean, I can tell now that the two of them are way better suited than I ever was for her. I woke up the next morning and I realised how dumb that anger was. But yeah, it kind of depressed me, because then I realised I had no one else to focus on."

"Now that Iva doesn't count as an interest anymore?"

"Yeah. I mean, you know what pisses me off?" He turns to peer at me in the orange light. The night air is cool and feels good. He looks so handsome. "The fact is that I make an amazing guy friend, but then girls don't see me as a potential boyfriend. They always..." He hesitates, looking for his words. "They're always ready to have me as their most reliable guy friend, but..." He shrugs. "I just wish..." He sighs. "Whatever." He looks back at me again. "So anyway. I was already kinda depressed by that, and then there were the grads and the interco..."

"You must have had fun then," I say. How could they not? I spent the whole time in France envying them.

"It's was okay, but nothing as perfect as France," he says. "I mean, don't worry, you didn't miss much. The grads were so-so. Gabriel and PB's presentations got them honours, but they've done better. They kept making mistakes. And the interco's conferences were dull and badly constructed."

"But spending time together―"

"Was okay. Nothing more, nothing less. I mean, it wasn't anything special. We were in Rouyn and met a couple of people―"

"Including that guy Eva wanted to fix me up with last year."

"I called him Gondor," Slim says. "The girls were crazy about him, though. Can't explain it."

"He really is awesome," I laugh. Eva, Kitty, Josie and I had had supper with 'Gondor' and Eva's cousin last year for her birthday. I know she planned to fix me up with him because we had the same geographical origins (same European country, that is), and we're both capable of extreme absurdity. Besides, Eva is so predictable. But as sweet and funny as he'd been, I just didn't click. "A bit weird, but awesome nonetheless."

Slim looks annoyed. "Yeah, whatever. I called him Gondor and his mojo is unexplained. So whatever. We chilled a little, and just sat in the grass... nothing worth writing home about. Eva wanted to fix you up with him?" He frowns confusedly.

I explain the situation to him. He rolls his eyes.

"Eva. She's predictable."

"I know!"

"Anyway, don't worry. You didn't miss anything massive. And then when we came back I was so depressed somehow. I was too poor to go out, and so I only went to this evening at Mel's a few days back, and that was cool. And free." He smiles crookedly at me.

Mel's... Where they'd talked about me for four hours.

"And somehow I wasn't in the mood to go out until tonight. When exactly did you come back from France anyway?"

"Friday the 13th."

"Aaah." He nods slowly. "Wait." He frowns in thought. "Where was I Friday? Oh, right, I was at some meeting for camp..."

"You don't have to justify yourself for anything," I say, finding the conversation turn a little weird.

"Yeah, but I wasn't sure when you were back... I didn't dare call."

...

Oh. Wow. Okay.

"Well, I'm back now."

"I can tell, thanks," he's wry. "So I made the right choice to come here tonight after all."

He hadn't confirmed his presence here until well after I'd confirmed mine. Weirdo.

"You'll be there Tuesday for Maria's going away party?"

"Yup."

We talked a good hour, sitting on that sidewalk, throwing small rocks at each other. Eventually, Liz joined us. We kept talking. And then PB and Anthony joined us, followed closely by the girls. By then I was getting cold. Anthony and Ban each offered to hug me to keep me warm, which I accepted because I was freezing. Slim and PB were fooling around with PB's car in the parking lot.

The night finished with a mess of hugs. I was cold and tired, but no longer inebriated, so I could appreciate their cheerfulness. They all hugged me goodbye as they gradually left.

Slim was the last to say goodbye to me. I was lifting Maria home, so he had to hurry because PB's car was already starting. He kissed me on both cheeks. "See you Tuesday." His cheeks were scratchy, but in a pleasant way. I'd missed the smell of him.

"Sorry about earlier," I said.

"Don't worry." He smirked at me. "I know you. You don't want me to solve your problems. You can do that on your own. Sometimes a person just needs someone to talk to."

I wanted to weep. How could he even understand something even my girl friends don't get??

"Thank you."

And that was that.

I think that, in spite of my sobbing fit (which I realise now was very necessary), I spent a really nice night. And I got the most precious confirmation I could ever get: I matter to them. Truly matter, not in the superficial way of people who collect acquaintances, but matter in a way that makes them worry about me and wish for my presence when they meet up. Being wanted is something so precious to someone who didn't always have that privilege.

Tonight is Maria's going away party. She's leaving for a full month, and I intend to distribute their souvenirs there: a bunch of beautiful molded medieval knights, each representing the members of the group. They were costly, but they're awesome.

I kinda fear the moment I give the condom away, but whatever. What doesn't kill you humiliates you, after all. Haha.

Love,
CM