Return of the Queen

The future queen of the world, I mean. Me, that is. In case you hadn't gotten that.

So. How was France, you will all hasten to ask me, if you haven't stopped reading this blog while I was away?

It was great. Really. Too much to tell, but I had some good times with Kitty and Eva.

But now that I'm back, I realize I did a mistake while I was away.

See, we were having supper somewhere in Paris... or was it Rouen? Anyway, we were having supper in a restaurant, and just chatting like girls, when Kitty and I both get a similar idea.

Basically, we thought it'd be great to use Facebook to pretend one of us got a French boyfriend. In order to freak people in Montreal out, a little.

Kitty wasn't quite as ready to do it, so I decided I'd go for it. I mean, what the heck, right? What was the worst that could happen? Nobody even cares about my Facebook profile.

So the next day, we went online and did just that. I changed my "single" status to "In a relationship", but put no name (as means to pretend he didn't have Facebook), and put myself as "CM is in love! :D", which would create more waves if possible.

Also, I am well aware of how cheesy that line sounds. CM is in love? Whiz. I mean, really. Like I'd be caught dead saying something that dumbass.

I figured everyone would see right through it if they knew me enough, and I figured Slim would be the first to suspect something was amiss. But I still took a chance. Odds were nobody would react at all (which would be sad, but whatever). In order to add some sense of officiality to the prank, Kitty therefore changed her status to "Kitty is SUPER HAPPY FOR CM!" Which would maybe divert attention towards me, seeing as Kitty's profile probably gets more traffic than I do.

I was wrong. So was Kitty.

And this is why I made a terrible mistake.

It seems a LOT of people check on me. Especially when it has to do with personal relationships.

Yesterday afternoon, once I was back, I checked my Wall to see if anything new was up.

Nine notifications. People were practically spamming my Wall with indignant messages like, "OH MY GOD YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND? WHO IS HE? WHY WASN'T I TOLD ABOUT THIS? WE NEED TO HAVE A SERIOUS CHAT YOUNG LADY." (This message courtesy of Josie.)

Or, "I WARNED you about tall dudes asking you out near the Eiffel tower! You're living a lie! It's not a relationship! YOU ARE A SEX OBJECT!" (Thanks, Gabie.)

"It's probably just a joke. Like, 'I'm in love with France' or something." Apparently, Drew was closer to the truth than ever. But not quite.

In order to make the prank last longer, I wrote back, "Thanks for your faith in my seductive skills, Drew."

And then I realized I was in trouble.

This feeling was confirmed when, on MSN, Gabriel accosted me and asked, "So. Let's get to the point. I heard certain rumours..."

"Really?" I was laughing as I typed. "What kind of rumours? And from whom?"

"Who else? PB."

PB????

What the fuck? PB (and Slim, by the way) had had NO VISIBLE REACTION to this news. Mel, Josie, Gabie, Gabriel, and some random people, ALL DID. But PB????

"WTF PB is interested in my life??"

"Not in your life, per se. PB just likes a good gossip."

Oh. Right. That's true enough.

"Oh. True. I'd forgotten what a gossiping old hag that dude is."

"Understandable. So. Spill."

"Spill what?"

"Duh. Do you have a pet?"

"Used to. Female bunny. Died back in 2006. I cried."

"Okay, come on, stop avoiding the question."

"Be direct, I'll see if I feel like it."

"Do. You. Have. A. Boyfriend."

"Haha. Fine. His name is Sebastian--" That's the name of the janitor we dealt with for the apartment in Paris; he was 65 years-old with sticky-outy ears, "--and he's an admin major who lived in our apartment building in Paris--" other falsehood. The only admin major was this hot dude in a suit and tie that we saw once but never spoke to, "--and we met because the door wouldn't open. He taught us how to open the door." Actually, this really happened, but it's too humiliating a story to be remotely romantic. XD

"Okay, whoa, I don't what his full CV. It was a closed question."

"Oh, you wanted a 'yes' or a 'no'. Tough luck."

"Whatever. Okay, my curiosity is quelled for now. Gotta go. Bye."

And he signed out. Hardly had time to greet him goodbye.

Something really awful tells me Gabriel is as much of a gossip as PB.

Something equally awful tells me everyone will know before tomorrow night, when we all meet up at Moe's for AA's birthday. Theoretically. If I can make it.

By the way, Slim hasn't mailed me, called me, or even confirmed he'd be there tomorrow night (which SUCKS, SLIM, YOU JACKASS).

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?

I'LL HAVE TO TELL THEM ABOUT MY NON-BOYFRIEND, WHICH IS SO INCREDIBLY LAME.

Lyx has the idea that Slim doesn't communicate with me because, and I quote, "He's jealous. (...) He's bitterly heartbroken. And/or torn up about newly discovered feelings for you."

Which, you know. I wish.

I strongly suspect he just didn't think about me at all while I was gone.

Torn up by this thought, as well as the dawning realisation that there is no smooth way of announcing that I am not, contrary to popular belief, as attractive to males as I was supposed to be (seeing as, if I were, I'd have a real boyfriend by now, not a fictional prank one).

I either have the choice of killing the prank now, which will have everyone go "wtf?" and never be considered seriously again, or go out with a bang and never be considered seriously again.

Knowing my luck, though, my attempts to go out with a bang will fail.

SO EVERYTHING SUCKS, BASICALLY. ALSO, I AM JETLAGGED. *weeping* I'm in a dead end and the guy I like doesn't like me back and everything sucks.

EVERYTHING SUCKS!!!

But I still had a wonderful trip and I am looking forward to all the parties and to visiting Lyx in Texas and everything that will not suck in the future.

Must go now. Jetlag hurts.

Love,
CM