Holy shit

Time flies when you're busy.

If I recall, I have over a week of updates to tell you about. Wow.

So, um... Right!

Friday. Last Friday, that is, because hahahaha... yeah. It's not funny, I know, but whatever. I think it's kinda funny.

Actually, to make a long story short, I got a job. At Staples. I basically walked in there and gave my CV, said that I knew their copy guy (my brother), and got hired almost on the spot.

Yeah, I know. Two interviews later and my contract was signed, no trouble, nothing. I had a job that paid better than my previous one, minus a lot of the inconveniences of large items to put back in their place. Now we're just talking about pens... and pencils... and notebooks... and all kinds of lovely, beautiful things any author enjoys.

So after I got my job, I came home and contacted Slim because Kels was hosting the end of summer party at her place and I'm a loser who depends on Slim for lifts.

But he had apparently taken that part for granted because he said he would be there at nine sharp, without my needing to beg.

Kels' party was awesome, as Kels' parties always are. Slim and I were there in time to greet Rick, his girlfriend, Ban, Drew, Guy, Mitch, Isa, and so on. All the people I wanted to see were there; the only one who didn't show that night was PB, but only, Slim told me, because he had an internship thing going on with a renowned Qc celebrity. Later on in the night, even Mike (my male confidante where Slim is concerned), his girlfriend and their friends showed up. It was awesome. Really.

I spent the evening with Eva, because she didn't know anyone else quite as well. So I humoured her and listened to her rant about how she was hoping to meet her Prince Charming in university next week, and slowly losing my mind, when suddenly Slim jumped onto the couch next to me and said, "SO I DISCOVERED SOMETHING AWESOME ABOUT NINJAS."

Which most definitely spared me a lot of boredom. And I KNOW he did this deliberately, because not a minute ago, he'd been all the way across the room, talking to Rick. So the speed at which he bounded over the moment he saw my predicament was astonishing.

"Ninjas," I said, slowly, because usually Slim is crazy about pirates, and everyone knows pirates and ninjas are mortal enemies.

He says, "Yeah, I know, they stand against everything we love and cherish, and all, but listen to this. They have NINJA RAVES."

Eva, at this point, starts to say something that would totally have ruined the awesomeness of the moment. I cut her off and echo, "Ninja raves."

"Yes. They happen in a closed room, with no doors or windows."

Eva frowns, annoyed by Slim's capacity to interest me. "What are you―"

"Because they move through the ventilation shafts!" I laugh.

"Yes! And the DJ is invisible! Because he moves so fast! And the raves only last five seconds because everyone is so swift! So you never know if it actually happened or not!" Slim is laughing. He snaps his fingers. "Like, a ninja rave could have just happened as we spoke! And we wouldn't know!"

Basically, he spared me torture at Eva's hands. Eventually we moved on to more varied subjects, like his underwear. He lifted the hem of his shirt and showed me his waistband, where I discovered Mickey Mouse and Goofy.

Amused, I said, "Are they as old as the Pirates of the Caribbean ones you had the other time? The pair with the holes?"

To which Eva started to say, scandalized, "How do you know his―"

"Yep, same age. I just never wear these."

"Yeah, it didn't look familiar," I say, and by now we're deliberately poking fun at Eva's shock.

"Well, it's laundry day."

"I prefer the ones with the adjectives on them."

He smirks at me. " 'Irreverent'."

"Irreverent," I concur, and we both snicker, which causes Eva to stare at us both, outraged that we'd be so casual about each other's underwear.

"CM," she says, very seriously, "You know it's not right to know so much about his underwear."

"Why not?" I ask, innocently. "He knows about mine."

"I do?" Slim says, his eyes widening. I know he's trying to keep our Get Nekkid night between the two of us and Amy. "Oh, wait. There was that one time where we were going to prank the others―"

"Enough!" Eva exclaims, upset.

It's obvious, though, from having known her all these years, that she envies the closeness I have with Slim. Or actually, with any guy.

I can't blame her; it IS quite exceptional.

Slowly, though, we began to notice that the party wasn't rising much. People were just sitting around, drinking and talking. The area that Kels had dedicated as a dance floor wasn't even being used. Instead, the speakers were playing your regular dance music, but nobody was acknowledging it.

Slim turned to me. He said, quite out of the blue, "Let's ninja rave."

Eva was about to make a comment (probably something like, 'You're so ridiculous', which is particularly condescending if you think about it, because hello, she dreams of Prince Charming), but I cut her off by saying, "Yes, let's."

So we jumped off the couch, startling everyone within a five metre range, and vanished into the dark room that Kels had meant to be a dance floor.

The thing is, it was really dark in there. She had left the lights off, and we decided not to light them. We started dancing like maniacs in the obscurity. It was awesome.

And Liz, Kels, Michelle and others joined us.

So eventually, Slim and I were pretty much leading the party, just because we could, and mostly because we're the most spectacular duo anyone ever saw. Not in dance, though. We were kind of bad at it. Especially since Slim was trying to belly-dance and making a laughing fool of himself. It got really rowdy between us when we began to play-fight, sending each other middle-fingers with effects ruined by our laughter, and general tackles that were not unlike hugs.

Apparently, though, people don't know us enough to know when we're just fooling around, because Liz and Eva forced us apart and told us we weren't allowed within a two metres of each other anymore.

"You're just no good together," Liz joked. "You're a scary mix."

As obedient as I was willing to be, Slim, though, decided he'd have none of it, and took the next split-second to get right back at my side, ignoring Eva's disapproving frown with a completely oblivious grin.

"Liz thinks we're no good together," I told him, trying to suppress my amusement.

At this, Slim grew into a righteous rage. "What? WHERE IS SHE?"

I pointed at Liz, who was happily chatting with Michelle, and he strode over there with purpose, pulled Liz aside and screamed, in anger I'm not entirely sure was faked, "HEY. DID YOU TELL CM THAT SHE AND I DON'T BELONG TOGETHER?" At this, Liz got a little scared. When Slim screams, he's loud. Before she could say a word, Slim continued. "BECAUSE THAT IS THE DUMBEST THING I EVER HEARD. CM AND I ARE THE BEST PAIR YOU EVER, EVER SAW. IS THAT CLEAR?"

"Um, yes?" Liz said, uncertainly.

"Good," Slim said, with a squint. "I'm glad we've cleared that up."

"You two," Eva then tells me, as Slim strides back with the same amount of purpose, "are like an old couple."

Slim breaks in loudly by screaming, "AND AS FOR YOU―" And he points at me nastily, "―don't EVER let ANYONE tell you that YOU AND I aren't MEANT TO BE THE BEST FRIENDS EARTH HAS EVER CARRIED."

"Oh, shut up, Scrooge!" I shout back, amused beyond reckoning. "And get lost!"

"Fuck you!" He shouts back, giving me the middle finger, but in his aggression I spot that smile and amused spark that's always there when we play-fight.

"Fuck YOU!"

"Enough!" Eva interjects. "You!" She points at Slim, who by now is laughing as much as I am, "Say you're sorry!"

He turns to me and melodramatically says, his arms oustretched for a hug, "I'm sorry, CM, come here, my dear."

We hug, and, as soon as Eva is satisfied, resume dancing our ninja rave.

This went on and off throughout the whole party, with us leading people into dance and, alternately, stuffing our faces with cupcakes.

Eventually, Eva expressed her wish to leave, and since she lives five minutes away, I offered to walk her home (because there have been reports of people disappearing if they were alone on the street there).

"But you'll be alone to walk back," Eva says.

"No, I won't. Watch." I turn to pull on Slim's sleeve ―he was still attempting to belly-dance― and say, "You're coming with me, aren't you?"

"Of course I am," he says, absently. "But where? What's going on?"

"We're taking her home."

"Oh. Sure. Okay. Let's go, then."

We walked her home, cutting across the field under the powerlines where the grass was recently cut (to prevent people from hiding in it, Eva says, but I think it's just because high grass is hard for the electricians to wade in), with my discussing that even with the cut grass, it would be possible for someone to hide if they stayed flat on the ground, which Eva denied. Still, this gave rise to the joke that a Flat Man was stalking us.

Still, on the way back from Eva's place, I stopped Slim and said, "I'm sorry, but I have to try this."

I waded into the cut grass and lay down on it, staying as low as possible. Slim, on his part, stepped back a little to check.

"Holy shit!" He suddenly calls. "If I didn't know you're there, I'd never see you!"

"I knew it. The Flat Man can surprise us!" I say, pushing myself to my feet. We slowly walked back to Kels' place, talking about how silly things are, and how ridiculous our friends can be.

"Actually," Slim commented as we turned onto Kels' street, "speaking of our friends, it's like the more time passes and the less I respect them. I've become an adult, but they seem to remain eternal teens... The only two people I still consider to be my best friends are..."

"Dague and PB?"

"PB still has my respect, but he's going to Québec City next month for a year. I won't see him. Yes to Dague, though. And then there's you."

"Oh." I'm surprised and flattered. "Well, thanks, I guess."

"By the way, tomorrow night is the campfire at Gabriel's place, remember?" He's talking about the fourth fire of the summer, all of which were held at Gabriel's place. Because fires aren't authorized on the island of Montreal, we have to go out of town in the middle of the woods to enjoy them. "And you're going."

"Um―"

"No oppositions allowed. We're going."

"We?"

"Yes."

I smile. That's a nice way for him to mention he's lifting me. "Alright, I'll call you as soon as my work shift is done. Speaking of which, I work at eight thirty tomorrow morning, and I'd like not to leave too late from here." I check the time. It's one in the morning. "Actually, leaving soon would be best."

"Alright, just come and find me when you're ready to leave."

We left at two, and I stumbled home at two thirty. I slept until seven. Do the math: that's four and a half hours of sleep that night.

My first work day was therefore quite rough, and followed immediately by a call from Slim who said he was picking Maria up then coming straight to my place. So, instead of having time to take a nap, I had to scarf down my supper then get changed, and be ready just on time for when Slim and Maria pulled up in my driveway.

Gabriel's campfire was a smaller gathering than before. Anthony, Melanie, PB, AA and Iva were there too, but that was it. It had been a while since I'd last seen them, so I was glad, but I got tired really fast. It was like a bad sort of jetlag. We played hide-n-seek in the woods, though, which was hilarious, and sang songs until two.

But when Anthony commanded that we'd all meet at Moe's the next night, I was kind of freaked.

I stumbled home at three thirty and slept until eight. I dreamed of Slim. I dreamed he was coming to my rescue without my needing to call him, just because he felt the instinct to. It was odd, but he basically turned a nightmare about loneliness and wounded dignity into something comforting and cheerful.

I woke up feeling warm and happy, until I remembered that dreams are just that. Dreams.

That's still a very short night, followed by another full day shift at work. I was running out of steam, and fast (and you may understand that I had no time to write about it here).

Slim showed up at my place around eight. We had convened that we'd take a small amount of time to finish preparing the conference we were giving the next morning (Monday) at our now ex-college. The idea was that, as graduates in cinema, we could tell the next ones up to get organized because film productions aren't easy at all. Our word has more weight than that of teachers, so we offered to speak in their place. Maria showed up a little while later, and, as we had agreed, Mom drove us to Moe's.

Seeing as Slim, Maria and I were the first ones there, we ordered a pitcher of beer and started drinking. We had gone to the bank and teased the bouncer on the way there, and I'd been surprised to realise said bouncer was flirting with me. Seriously, what?

Anyway, I may have mentioned my resistance to alcohol is pretty much nil.

I was into my second glass when Anthony and the others showed up, most of them already drunk from having taken shots before showing up. This brought on more drinking, and by the time I'd ingested two glasses and a half, I was already tipsy. This made Anthony feel free to ask me whether I wanted to make out with him.

"So, CM, since you're drunk, I suppose you'll want to French me."

"No," I laughed. "Thank you, though."

" 'No, thank you'?" Anthony echoes, not insulted in the least. He turns to Slim, who is absently watching baseball on one of the TV screens. "She says no thank you!"

Slim looks down and asks, "What?"

"Woman won't make out with me!" Anthony exclaims. "Have you made her monogamous or something?"

"What?" Slim asks again, utterly confused.

Before Slim can gather his wits, Anthony turns back to me and leans far over the table that seperates us to ask, seriously, "Have you sexed him up, CM?"

"No."

"No? Why the hell not? Slim!" Anthony turns back to Slim and pulls him in to whisper something in his ear.

"What the hell―" Slim waits until Anthony is done whispering before moving away and looking disturbed.

Now I won't pretend. I can read lips, especially when Anthony is so drunk that he has to be very articulate. And he had just asked Slim whether the two of us had had sex lately.

I glared at Anthony, who laughed.

But I was getting drunker by the minute ―the relatively small quantity of alcohol I'd ingested was having its effect on me― and, rather than be cheerful, this time, I quickly descended into depression. It was worsened when all of them got up to go dance downstairs, leaving me alone at the table.

I followed, but after five minutes of head-pounding music, I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt alone again, and it was getting worse with every minute. So I leaned towards Melanie and told her I'd be taking a breath outside.

Truth was, I needed to get a grip on myself, because I knew I was being ridiculous. I couldn't reason at all anymore, and while I had deliberately stepped away from them, I was feeling a large sense of abandonment.

I don't know how long I sat on that sidewalk border, a ways away from Moe's front entrance, but it was long enough to overthink and get really depressed. I was fighting tears I couldn't explain and struggling to be mature.

So when I heard a set of jogging footsteps, I hurried to wipe my eyes and pretend I was just dozing off.

Dreams don't happen. I know they don't. I just know it.

So why my heart exploded when I heard Slim say, breathlessly, "Oh my god, CM, there you are, I'm so happy I found you. I've been looking for you for the past twenty minutes. I was dancing with the others and then I noticed you weren't there― Hey... hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I sob. Goddammit, how had he known to come looking for me? I hadn't wanted to worry anyone. I hadn't even made a scene― He wasn't even supposed to know I was gone!

"CM," he says, concernedly, crouching in front of me, "something's wrong." The next questions he asked where so spot on I had to fight even harder to stay composed. "You felt alone? You're tired, right? And you drank a wee bit too much. We didn't do anything wrong, did we? Did we leave you behind?"

OH MY GOD WHY??? WHY MUST HE KNOW ME SO WELL?

"I'm― I―"

"Oh my god, okay," Slim says, when he notices that my shoulders are quaking, "so you're REALLY not feeling it. That's alright, my dear, come on, I'm here for you. I'll be your saviour," he half-jokes. "Come on." He outstretches both his hands to help me to my feet. "Come, we'll talk."

I take both his hands. By now I'm sobbing and I can't see clearly. Rather than make me walk a single step, Slim breathes a soothing 'shhh' and pulls me into his arms, letting me lean my head on his shoulder. He lets me sob like it's the most natural thing ever, not even caring that I'm soaking his shirt front, murmuring comforting words into my hair like "it's alright, you're okay. I'm here. It's okay... shhh..."

Eventually, I break away from him and sob, "Oh my god― I'm so sorry I wet your shirt―"

"It's nothing."

"―and I keep ruining your evenings―"

"No, you don't."

"―I'm sorry I'm such a wreck― I don't― I don't even know why I'm crying!" I bring my hands up to my face to hide it. I'm so embarrassed. He always sees me when I break. But I can't stop crying. I'm panicking. "Slim, I don't― I just―"

But he pulls me forward and hugs me again. "It's okay. Come on, we'll get away from here. Let's find a quieter place."

He pulls me down the little street where we always end up, holding me close with an arm around my shoulders. Eventually, I manage to make full sentences.

"I'm so sorry I keep ruining your nights out," I sob. "I swear, I don't know why―"

"Don't worry about it," he assures me once more. "You need someone to be there for you, and I'm it."

I watch him, throat tight. "You don't have to do this."

"But I do," he says, with a smile. "It's my genetic defect, remember? I need to save people."

Against all odds, this makes me smile a watery smile. Slim's face lights up with a victorious grin.

"Hah! See? I'm a genius. I made you smile!"

I can't help it. I half-giggle, half-sob, and reach for another hug. He cheerfully lets me into the circle of his arms, and holds me close.

"You're too good a friend," I mumble into his shirt. He says nothing, just moves back and forth slowly, giving me the best hug I could ever hope to get. "You deserve the best girl there is, Slim. You need to be happy."

"I do want a girlfriend," he admits when we finally break apart. I sit on the ground, and fall backwards until I'm staring up at the sky. "But to be honest, I don't know who I could go for. So I'm left hanging." He sits next to me, looking down at me thoughtfully. He seems pleased that I'm not crying anymore.

"You'd really be a mind-blowing boyfriend, if what you managed tonight is any indication," I smile.

"Bah, that's nothing. I'd not only be an amazing boyfriend, I'd also be an amazing lover." He waggles his fingers. "I've got it down pat, you have no idea. Every girl I've ever made out with kept begging for more." He snickers. "I guess I know how to bring them to the edge."

"You probably understood something fundamental, like..."

"I kiss and touch them everywhere but where they want to be touched."

"So you make them desperate."

"But very turned on," he agrees. "Exactly."

I almost want to cry again. "I cannot believe this. You know, Bass never understood that. He went straight for the belt."

Slim grimaces. "He's a moron. A girl needs to be teased."

"Trust me, I know. But so do guys." I smile at the stars. "I think I'd be a good lover too."

"Probably."

"I mean, I'm creative, and good-looking―" I glance at him with a glare ready in case he makes any comment, but he just nods, "―and intelligent. I learn fast, and I'm curious to try things. I'd need a partner willing to experiment."

"So you also need a guy you can trust."

"Yeah..." We lapse into silence. Finally, I say, "You know, I never thought I'd ever become such good friends with you. Things weren't pointing at it, even at the start of last year."

"I guess we needed each other."

"I guess we're just like-minded."

"Pretty much― hey, look, PB is there. He's coming our way."

"Oh god. Do I look like a living wreck?" I wiped my face, but I've stopped crying.

"No, you look fine..."

"You don't sound sure. You know, you're supposed to say I'm beautiful."

"That's dumb. You look like you stopped crying, that's what. But don't worry, PB won't notice."

He's right. Nobody noticed. We went home ―although right before I left, the bouncer from earlier accosted me and asked me to be there the next Friday. I said I'd think about it. He said he'd be shattered if I didn't come. I said I couldn't do much about it, except I could give him a hug. He pointed at Slim and asked whether my boyfriend would mind. I said I didn't have a boyfriend, and hugged him. He kissed both my cheeks twice. I decided that was scary (he's HUGE) and left.

I slept five hours, then woke up on time to join Slim at our old college for the conference. It went well, and Slim then went to inquire about the job with Pierre. Things didn't look as good, though; apparently another guy with more credentials had shown up, and the school was obliged to hire him instead of Slim, to the technicians' disappointment. Still, Slim took it in stride and told them to keep him in mind for the future.

I worked that afternoon, the next Tuesday, and took Wednesday off because Slim and I had to attend a conference at the UQAM to receive our student ID, our agendas, and fetch our public transit cards. After a long day the tribulations of which I shall spare you the details, we came home, and I rested. I'd been sleeping semi-normal nights, now, but I was still exhausted all the time.

I worked Thursday and Friday. Because I work at Staples, the Back to School rush is exhausting. We pull ten-and-a-half-hour shifts (which, by the way, I'm pretty sure are illegal), and I never finished a work day before ten at night.

So, after a week of over forty hours, they decided to make me finish early yesterday (Friday), for which I was really grateful.

It was on coming home that I got a message from Michelle who wanted to go out. So I encouraged a few others to join us. Eventually, the only ones who showed up were Slim, Rick, Ban, Mitch and Isa. Guy had promised to come, but, as usual, hadn't give a sign of life. Fred was going downtown for the night, Drew was too lazy to get out, and all the others were at Moe's.

But I was sick of Moe's, and honestly, it was nice to just talk. Michelle was being really annoying, though, switching between innuendos about Slim and I, then suggesting I should go for Gabe. Ban dragged Slim away for a bit, for god-knows-what, but they indicated nothing on their return, except that it was suspicious how at one point every single person at the table vanished, leaving Slim and I alone.

He told me he was excited to start the new school year, that the girls he had seen at the UQAM were cute. I said I didn't have high hopes myself.

Michelle then returned, asking about Slim's ideal girl. I already knew; I told her Slim liked girls with little frames (i.e. not me). Michelle sighed dramatically, and argued it wasn't fair that every guy liked girls with little frames, that tall guys with tiny girls look realy awkward, that it wasn't fair that the rest of us would be left all alone. I ignored it, because the last I need is to sound even more melodramatic.

Even though it IS unfair.

We finished the evening early; everyone looked really tired. So I went home, slept, then came here this morning to start typing, because I feel like a wretch for not keeping you updated.

Hopefully, though, my schedule will lighten up now that school starts, so trust me, I look forward to it.

Love,
CM